I am mother of two wonderful boys Shubham and Soham. They are the light of my life. Me and Dadhi are not perfect parents. We neither pose to be one. We have our own flaws. Sometimes, we cannot always keep promises to our children. But we try to do what is good for them, their present and future.
This morning, while waiting for the meeting that was running too late, I posted couple of videos of my children performing in Public. First video was the spiritual mantra chanting in Birthday of my dearest friend Radhika's Twins Kris and Kristy. Another was a singing bowl performance by my younger son Soham. Next was the performance by Shubham in Tabla. With each like after like that is flooding in my facebook, I reflect on our parenting journey and wish to share you something.
We are not writing this from a perspective of liberated parents who have achieved the height of success in parenting. We do not suffer from such delusions. Me and Dadhi talk into late nights about the issues and challenges of raising two sturdy not so patient and obedient boys who want to have fun. And there is where Me and Dadhi want to achieve something impossible but doable: create the balance between the fun and learning. Or may be redefining the whole idea about "fun" itself.
I shudder if my children understand the idea of fun as watching non stop youtube videos or playing non stop games unsupervised in Ipad. That is why, we try our best to make time for them to explore the places around them. If we cannot go anywhere, we visit the library and they play with water foundation non stop. And sometimes we curl together in Sofa to enjoy the cartoon together. I usually watch most of the DVDs together so that we can talk and reflect about it later.
I received lot of comments about our children's Talent. In our society, we have indoctrinated beliefs about natural talent. Yes, the source of talent could be natural. For instance someone is born with a very beautiful voice. But the natural talent itself does not take you anywhere. Good artists are born out of continued practice and persistence. Shubham Soham's performances ( they are still learning, and I hope they understand that they will learn forever) are result of regular practice. We hope that Shubham Soham learn value of hard work.
We try to use MOTIVATION to make them practice. It would be inconceivable that children would practice on their own. They will not. We have to create a situation and context for them to practice. I have often heard parents lament at their children "gardai gardaina". Shubham Soham's motivation to practice was a reward that we will promise ( simple not so big things like buying a toy, taking out for Pizza, not so frequent visit to simple things like going to Macdonald) . I know in the outset, it feels like we are pushing our kids too hard. But within that comes a valuable lesson for the lifetime. Nothing comes easy. They will learn to value to hard work. And also they will have sense of achievement : they were rewarded because of their hard work.
The reason we are encouraging Shubham Soham to learn music is because it is a universal language. They may not pursue their career in music later on, or they could. I suspect Soham will be a movie actor with so much drama he creates everyday. I hope with Music Shubham Soham will learn about inner peace that comes with music. I myself grew up in that environment. I learned to play harmonium since age of 4. I also learned singing classical Indian Raga. There was a time my friends were bewildered when I had music classes every morning ( about 45 minutes walk from home) before school. I somehow used to manage to reach school in time ( which was 30 minutes walk from home). That was my learning on time management, which is still one of my challenges.
Lately, Shubham and Soham have been saving their money for buying Ipad. Though, I could very well buy them one right away. But, We have developed a plan for it. Now, Shubham Soham's biggest goal at the moment is to have their own Ipad. And for that, they know they have to work hard. They are collecting their own money for this purpose. They have accumulated some AUD $ from gift money in festivals, from kind uncles who rewarded them for performance and very kind Aunty Radhika who specially increased their fund asking me to open an account for them. Now, Dadhi and I have started a rewarding system for their problematic behaviours like constant fighting with each other, Soham's constant sulking and fussing. They earn their rewards in ($) every week for their good conduct which will help them to increase their Ipad fund. Reviewing the progress, I will definitely add the remaining amount if their progress is very satisfying.
With this new reward system, I feel now I have to speak less. I do not have to ask them to do things repeatedly. It was frustrating situation both for me and them. Now, the behaviour chart motivates them to behave well. They know it will be for their own good, if they behave well. They understand that if they have good behaviour they will be rewarded. I know it seems as if we are teaching them obvious. Does it mean that they will stop behaving good when there is no reward. As Bimal Dai ( who introduced the system to me explained to me patiently: These good behaviour that was rewarded in the long run, becomes their habit, which I realize is true.
However, one word of caution about this system is that you have to be the role model. Parents are too critical about their own children, constantly criticizing their bad behaviour. But they do not check their behaviour themselves. If we want that our children have certain characteristics , first we have to cultivate in ourselves. Children will simply copy. I am in more trouble now, keeping in check my anger, my frustrations, my sloppiness, lack of tidiness, my mobile behaviour, my homework, my reading that I realize that this behaviour chart is more for me than Shubham Soham. Let it be so.
