Walls or Bridges?


I had given you an option,
I asked," walls or bridges?"
You chose walls instead,
And surrounded yourself with in.
Carrying all the burdens,
You decided to give me relief.
You cried alone, I know.
Though you may deny.
I know you did,
With those silent sobs,
And hidden tears.
You never gave me a hint of,
What was going on in your head.
You just wanted to prove,
After all, you were my father.

I knew ,you wanted me to be perfect.
I should not commit,
Any follies or mistakes.
I must be good enough to be your daughter.
You felt ashamed of
Me being yours after all.
For better or worse,
You were stuck with me for whole life.

Those hugs and encouraging words,
That I needed when I had failed.
I needed you that time to tell me,
That it didn't matter after all.
You never told me that there could be,
Another way, time and another try.
And that day when I succeeded,
I wanted to hear that I did well.
And my ears craved for
Those sweet words,
That you were proud of me.

But I have learnt my lesson,
Though very hard way.
Now, I am used to failure,
Without any regrets.
Now I am used to success,
Without any happiness.
Yes, I am hard as a nail now.
As tough as you, my very own father.

But emotions do betray me sometimes.
My eyes just fill with tears.
And my heart cries out with bitter sobs.
Oh! The day to talk with you apart from weather,
To communicate with you apart from money matter.
To converse with you apart from my mistakes and failure.

And after all these years,
It seems as if you want to.
Your eyes, I see them flicker with emotions
Yes, after all these long, long years,
You want to know how I feel,
Rather than how I should.
After having built walls all around you,
You want to know how to reach me?

But Father ! Walls can't be turned into bridges,
It is not possible.
I am used to closed doors
And tight windows.
I am safe enough behind these walls,
In my own room of gloom.
No, you can't enter!

A blank page,
Stares and waits,
Something to be written in it.
I too search the words,
In my blank mind.
And hope seeing them in paper.
Would make some sense.

The mind has been muddled,
Poisoned and damaged.
I can`t now think,
What really I think.
I can easily quote what
You and other thousands of people say.
But not once,
Have I been able to say
What I feel.


A wordless state of mind,
A thoughtless state of heart.
And emotionless state of soul

Short Poems

Distraction

An obsession
You have proved to be.
And attraction at first.
Now, you have distracted me.
From every single thing in this world.

Wearing off your Façade

Oh! Man of few words.
The core of words hidden,
Deep inside your heart.
Sometimes, faintly reveals.
And peeps at me, suddenly.
Surprising me with your outburst.
Your hard façade,
Wears off.
And I see you finally.
Soft, soft.
With a golden heart.

Love is not Blind

No, love is not blind,
Since the day you blessed me with love.
Light has pierced my heart.
I have begun to see,
The world with new eyes,
Which is not mine at all.

Last Goodbye


Bye , dear.
From my heart,
From my love,
from my thoughts,
And from my emotions.
Its time ,I let you go.
You are free now.

All these years,
I have been holding you too tightly.
Hugging your memories,
And being lost on them.
Its time now,
To accept the reality.
No, its not bitter anymore.
Its okay, in fact.

Next time,
When we meet.
It will be same.
I will talk with you.
As if we were still close.
But , my eyes will be drifting away,
Somewhere else.
Will you notice them?

Well, I can be almost sure,
That you won't feel them.
It sounds like a conformation,
That I am repeating again and again,
Within my own heart.
Just don't ask questions from your eyes,
Again that way,
The way you did, when we were all alone.
And I couldn't answer then.
But this time, even if you do so.
I intend to face you defiantly
And show that it doesn't matter anymore.
On what you say and what you do.

The heart is still the same,
I am still the same.
But times have changed.
The situation has changed.
This has been going on too long.
Its now the time,
That I admit,
Its useless,
To love a man,
Who doesn't want to be loved.

Unmade Lemonade

I again brood,
On nonsense musings of mine.
Which I make nothing of,
Life gave me lemons,
I didn't make lemonade.
Not enough sugar in me,
So, all lemons led to ashtray.

I watch the sunset and sunrise,
Pretending to be Buddha,
Out of touch,
Practicing cool facade,
Detachment allures me,
I feel I am beginning to
Know what it's all about.

It happens,
When, every possible dreams
Has been doomed.
No hope.
Thus, no ropes.

Perhaps I am approaching enlightment?

No, not that soon.

I like the long road.
This suffering,
This echoing sadness,
All are of my own doings.

I secretly love,
My prolonging agony.
I thrive in pain.
It's like a medicine of asthma,
Helping me to go on,
With cold life.

Happiness no longer satisfies me.
So, I have chosen suffering.

No more words

It was real,
When there was no way.
And no words.

Our eyes used to meet.
And speak.
A secret language
Of silence.

Then, words came on.
I began to speak.
I began to write.
Before, it was so intense.
That, words couldn’t be enough.
It confused me,
For the one, who always needed words.
To make sense where I stood.

Yes, I told you.
I wrote to you.
But it was lost somewhere,
In between telling and writing.
Then, our silent communication stopped.

Words became weapons,
They drew us apart.

Now, we are far.
But this odd sense of closeness.
Has sprung up.
And whenever I smile.
I feel,
Its you.
Within my happiness.
And whenever I cry
I feel,
Its you.
Within my sorrow.

Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh
Now, there will be .
No more words.
Just a silent language.
Of hearts.

It was there,
Since the beginning.
It will be there, always.
As there is no ending of this.
Each moment,
Will be a new beginning.

Take Risk


My Dear,
Take risk.
Be prepared.
Even if you may be hurt.
But make memories.
Hurtful they may be,
Its out of pain,
That peeps the happiness.
Grab it and savor it.
That’s what life s all about.

In your own way,
You have taught me,
That patience pays.
You tell me to be practical,
When I feel like
Doing something mundane.
While taking decisions,
I make it hasty,
At one go,
You brood coolly for seconds
And say “ lets see”

Friend, I have learnt from you.
In your own cool of being.
You have taught me valuable
Lessons of life.
That’s why, I am saner.
Than I used to be.

Our numerous walks
Around Swoyambhu
And all those philosophical
Statements you dropped
Being unaware yourself,
I feel like weaving
All these memories
And wear it around my neck.
Like a charm.
To protect me,
From further craziness.

But dear,
It seems now,
We need to switch on roles.
Now, you are little
Turning into crazy and emotional.
My influence perhaps.

These days, you speak more.
I have learnt to listen.
Now, you should do a crazy thing once.
Go, on do it.
Whatever you want to do.
Just don’t hurt anybody.
I know that you won’t do it.

At least do something crazy,
That you will remember,
Till your hair turns grey.
And you will have your grandchildren all around.
Tucked inside your warmth.
Then, You will have one story to tell.

He Made Me a Poet


What could be better!
Meeting him, itself was great.
Knowing was different matter.
Loving was more precious.
But not being loved in return,
Was most profitable of all.
As he made me little saner,
He showed me,
The world ,that is not fair.

Loving him was great experience,
I need to put this in my C.V.
I loved a man,
Who didn't love me in return.
He made me a philosopher,
Above all, he made me a poet.

Since then,
The words became my friends.
However,
Pain remains, just the same.

I Can't Cajole My Crying Heart.

Crying has become a routine for me.
I cry all the time.
I cry when somebody cares for me.
I cry when somebody ignores me.
I again cry if something is wrong.
I even cry if something is right.

Tears are just immense:
They live in the pupils of my eyes.
I don't provoke them.
They, just like an uninvited guest,
Demand my attention.
Then, I give in.
I loosen myself up.
It is the only sign to sense that I live.
It is the only relief to know that I exist.

Whenever I cry, I do it alone.
All alone!
I don’t want to hurt anybody.
I have done that many times.
While I cry for you,
The one who doesn`t care.
I hurt others, those who care.

When tears flow unwarranted,
I rush to my room and lock the door.
It's such a great relief to cry alone.
But sometimes, I yearn for you.
I wish you were there for me,
To hold me, to support me.
If only I could cry on your shoulders,
Then, perhaps it would be my last cry.

But this is not in my fate.
Here, I again use this word, "Fate."
"Fate", the word I used to hate,
Before I used to cry.
Fate for me was fraught with futility.
A loser's logo!
Instead,
I used to believe in love,
I used to believe in faith.
But the belief is dead now.
It has died with that little part of me,
Which used to laugh even at sad things.
It was so optimistic.
And used to believe in dreams.
It used to believe in mystery too.
Above all, it used to believe in possibility.
Now, there is no such pillar,
Which I could lean on.
There is no such base,
Where I could stand on.
All is dismounted with its death.
And hope has left me hapless.
Even desire has deserted me.
Now, dreams too are cruel.
I am awfully afraid to sleep.
As I will see you there too.

I just want to forget that,
Anything is between us.
Anything, could be between us.
No more, "if onlys" and "maybes"
I want to forget every word you said.
I wish to overlook the bonds we shared.
I will ignore the feelings we exchanged.


Yes! I will forget everything.
I will start my life afresh.
I will be brave,
I will be hard as you.
Technical! impersonal! Formal!
Then ,someday, we will meet.
Or someday I will give you a call,
To ask, "how are you?" and all.
I will just show you.
Cruelly!
Forgetting you was rather easy.