Day III

I am writing this from my friends home. They have departed to work and I have free time to just lie down and write with my laptop on my lap and finish what I started. Yes, the dairy I see as a best way of recording my memories. I was too lazy last year in my US visit that I only posted first experiences. I wish I had documented some of those memories while they were fresh.

So, I am talking about 15^th of July 2013, first day of the conference. Excited, nervous at the same time. Many of the International Delegates probably arrived but we did not know anybody.  The conference organizers had emailed us to say that we need to arrive for registration for conference hall at 8.am.  But I reached there around 7.15. I tell you why. I am direction blind. I get confused with where is right, where is left, what is north, what is south, when I am in a new territory. And If I leave it till the last minute to find out, I will probably have a heart attack out of anxiety. So, I went to conference hall, said hello to a lady who had communicated with us via email since so long. Met the conference convener  Then, back I went to the dining hall, to do the obvious: have a srilankan breakfast and get that hot warm feeling of chilies in my stomach and placate that later with the cold juice: funny habit.

We were given a conference bag, book of abstract and schedule for the conference and most important of all. One of the interesting features of the conference is that when you introduce each other for the first time, name tag becomes so important. I like the way people hold their tag towards the other and show their name. So, in couple of minutes, we introduced one another. In my relatively short experiences of being in few international conferences, I have seen a pattern about how people introduce themselves. There are mainly two kinds: one who reach out, the other who wait to be reached. It is too simplistic I know, sometimes they can be identified as strategies that any people may use according to the situation. However, I like the ones who reach out rather than who wait to be reached. But several factors may shape these peoples those who "wait to be reached". First is that they are shy, they are not arrogant but just shy and modest and feel that they are not that important to get introduced to. So, they wait, until someone are interested in them and they open up. I like this category, I am not romanticizing them but over the time, they forget their inhibitions and open up. And also gender plays a big role. Though, it is generally understand that men approach women for introduction first. But in these academic settings, I have found that men hesitate a bit perhaps thinking that they are showing interest because of other things such as attraction and all that. But I do not think it is wrong unless one starts being too blatant about it. Let me talk about the second type. Second type of "waiting to be reached" are people who perceive that they are "SOMEBODY", I capitalized the word for a reason, you got a point right. They want people to come us. They wait somewhere pretending to be busy, flicking through schedule, working on their laptops or may be adjusting their ties, arranging their hair.  I honestly never go to these people.  But fortunately, at least in this conference, I did not feel we had this  kind of species. Everyone wanted to know the other, except few shy ones, but I don't blame them. I remember my early conference days. I am still overcoming that gradually, I am saying this honestly.

Ah, I probably went too long about this, did I?  So, in I went to the conference hall. There was a welcome speech by Converner of the conference. It was impressive to see they had organized so many international conference in the past and also planning to organize some more in future, it was truly impressive. They also had some great affiliations with some publishers. Then, came to most memorable event throughout whole conference: key note speech by Prof. Sanjukta Ghosh. She talked about " From Burqas to Bikini: While women's burden and Afgani women". She talked about links between feminism and imperialism. She was  a eloquent speaker. An hour long key note speech felt like few minutes. What was striking on her presentation was the media clips that she used to portray the American perceptions of Afgani women. From her presentation, she was clearly able to show feminism as "white women's burden", a belief that white woman is all free and liberated and third world women need to be liberated from their men. Sanjukta's presentation show quiet clearly that western feminists easily forget the unequal international relations and hegemony that is shaping the third world women's lives, not just the oppressive gender ideology in their community. Another interesting aspect of her presentation was American women's perception of "Burqua" as oppressive whereas several variations of "Burquas" exist. She was able to supplement with research in Afganistan and Pakistan that women wear it more as a custom than as a sign of oppression. Actually, while working among themselves, women are not that conscious about covering their head all the time. It was even more interesting when she showed the pictures of Eurpoean/American Models wearing the latest trends of fashion which had head coverings similar to that of Burqua.

For me, most significant moment of lecture was to see a certain picture.It was used in a certain context. Someday, when we meet I may tell you all about it if you are interested. 

 Later when I and Sanjukta discussed about the lecture, she was bit disappointed that no body laughed at this picture and showed any form of reaction towards it. We south asian people are closed about matters of sexuality. Showing any reaction in the conference to a picture, would have meant displaying one's promiscuity.

Then, we moved on to other presentations. Let me warn you in the beginning. I found many of the presentations too traditional, repetitive and lacking any creativity. Call me a cynic but I believe that research needs to be original and creative. I believe conference gives us opportunity top understand new perspectives and issues. But somehow many of the presentation lacked this. However, I am just going to share what I found interesting. There were couple of papers that dealt with Gender Dispreference of Girls in India. By that they meant current population imbalance in India. India has more men than women, facing an acute crisis with escalating female foetus abortions and female infanticide. I was wanting to know more than a data. I know it is important to know the magnitude of a social problem but understanding the structural causes of the problem is even more important. But somehow, I found that lacking in presentations.

Again time for Sanjukta. Her paper dealt with the Delhi protest after the Delhi rape happened. First she discussed the setting and she discussed the etymology of the several different names of the "victim".

Amanat:  Trust

Damini: Lightening

Jagriti: Awakening

Nirvaya: braveheart

It was interesting to know that the media was not allowed to name the real victim, perhaps first time in history of reporting the rape in India. It brought seriously into discussions the ethics of journalism. Still in Nepal, they are careless, they name the victim's name and address without thinking about the impact of their action on life of "survivor".

So, each group based on their own perception of the struggle of the victim gave her a symbolic inspirational name. Each name portrays the different reality. But with all these names, the one I most feel close to is "Jagriti" and "Nirvaya". I have my own reasons, I will perhaps ponder on later about the emotional impact of these names on my psyche.

She also talked about several other false name and pictures that appeared claiming to be the "Delhi rape victim", particularly in social media. This was another form of oppression of these unknown women whose pictures were splashed all over in social media and countless sharing in people's facebook walls.

She also had done content analysis and observation of the protest happening in Delhi. She had collected some very touching and striking pictures of the protestors. Her analysis focused on contents of the placards on the posters.

While saying all these, what strikes my mind is that, why was "Delhi protest" so strong. The first thing that came to my mind with Sanjukta's presentation is that, the "victim" represented the middle class girl who had dreams of completing her education, becoming a professional and then marrying some nice man and have children. So, many people, particularly middle class and high class suddenly realized that their "daughters" and "wives" and "mothers" are at risk.  Suddenly the violence in "public sphere" became the focus of the activism, which I think is very important. But the problem with this is sometimes, it makes us think that dangers is all out there in public sphere, we tend to forget what is happening inside home. Look at any research report on violence against home, the most important sites of violence is home: a place of protection, love and care". Then, second are other institutions such as schools, workplace where girls/women are with someone they trust and know. So, with these kinds of protest, a fear of "unknown stranger late at night in open public space" becomes a face of the most dangerous violator. But the reality is women are mostly violated by people they know, trust, love and care for. How to address this contradictions and I asked the same question to Sanjukta and she answered it quiet well.

So, there were more presentations later on. Presentations on women street vendors, on representations of patriarchy in hindi cinema and so on. The one that was interesting and funny was by ……………….who did content analysis on 200 quotes on gender written by both men and women. Some of the quotes are very funny on surface level but as you go on thinking and pondering, they are very sexist. It is creating negative ideology about gender. I post some of the quotes here. During her presentation, one could see that there were more men than women who wrote these quotes. And definitely, I am not prejudiced or anything but I like women's better, anyway. One of the presenter from Pakistan, she presented about situation of women journalists in Pakistan. Based on her presentation, one could see that Journalism predominantly still remains a male professional based on ideology of masculinity.

In between all these talks we had a lunch break and I enjoyed taking to delegates and get to know what other is doing. Conference is opportunity to meet interesting people, each of them doing something interesting in their own field. Some of my very good friends now dispersed in different parts of the world are the ones whom I met in conference like this. Based on our similar nature and interest or sometimes different we continue to keep in touch via email, now facebook and keep each other posted on what we are doing. Then, sometime in far distant future, after couple of years we meet somewhere, sometimes in the middle, new place all together or sometimes in Nepal or sometimes in their own country. So, that is my reward or perk of being in academia. I get to travel now and then, meet some great people and continue to be connected and again meet them and catch up. I have not earned much  money being in this profession but I am rich, very rich because I have these wonderful friends now in different parts of the world. I know they will give me a space somewhere in this house to sleep, eat, play with their children and to learn more about them and their world and their work.

In the evening, conference organizers took us to a Seylinco Building in a restaurant named Akasa Kade. It was a beautiful restaurant nearby the beach. We walked all the way from the hotel for about 15 minutes, chatting and talking with each other. Now, there is another free advice for conference goers. It is free advice: Take it or leave it, as Rancho says in three idiots. If you are travelling with your own national group, please communicate among yourself that it is important that you talk and communicate with other people in the conference. Particularly, South Asian people are too much immersed in their own group to reach out to other interesting people out there. I call it ghettoization, living in one's own  Ghetto or world and not reaching out to other people. It is very important however to communicate to your group that they do not misunderstand you as "ignoring and bypassing" them. You can also encourage them to make new friends and talk to new a person, that is the whole point of the conference. If you are always together with your friend from same nationality, when do you get opportunity to know other people?

So, I drifted again on a advice lane, Sorry. It must be something to do with being a teacher, one unwittingly started using these advisory tone. But please do understand that we teachers do not do it to prove that "we know better" but to share something about what we know and definitely it is not a bad thing, or is it. I don't know.

So, we were on this restaurant. It was nice, really nice. And the first thing that greeted us was a sound. We turned back towards the sound thinking some kind of musical performance was going on. But no, a chef was cutting something with a large knife. Oh, I forgot to take a picture of this probably. One of the popular food in Srilanka is Pittue. Pittu is made from Paratha, it can be vegetable or meat paratha. After the paratha is cooked, it is cut into fine pieces by the knife in very high speed. It is really yummy, try it with Seeni Sambol ( onion deep fried with different spices with sugar and salt). The Food was great, especially fish lovers can get wide variety of fish curry.  As expected, the food was great with high level of chillii, which I was more or less accustomed to. But I guess, the Akasha Kade Hotel had at least 2 times hotter food than Grand Oriental. Few of our friends, who were not used to hot food, liked it too much. So, they kept on eating small portion taking long breaths with tears in their eyes. It was funny to watch that. But then, there was a joke. I mean, you take the hot food and like it at the moment when you are eating it. But when you go to Toilet next morning, ahh well, that is different story.

After the wonderful dinner with great people, we started walking back to the hotel. Few of them wanted to go to the beach. Those who finished their presentation could easily go of course with the free mind. Me and another friend from Bangladesh, decided to go straight back to the hotel to prepare for the presentation. When, I was back in room, I realized I was actually very tired. I had my slides ready anyway. I just wanted to prepare what I wanted to speak, I wanted to move few slides here and then. But that will have to be done tomorrow morning itself. Then, off I drifted to sleep, exciting about another exciting adventure and experience  in Colombo.

Colombo diaries day II: Sini Sambool,Herbal Garden and Buddha Temple

14^th July 2013 Sunday

It was nearly 1 at night when I slept on first night in Colombo on Saturday. I connected to the internet, emailed family that I was safe. And of course, clicked on facebook and posted a mandatory status to let my friends out there to know ( particularly srilankan friends whom I was planning to meet) that I arrived safe and sound. Earlier in the night, before we departed to our rooms, I asked my friends to fix the time for meeting for breakfast tomorrow morning. Everyone decided on 6.30.

My eyes opened at 5 am in morning, call it advantage of teaching morning college, I have got this natural alarm clock in my head, which goes off sometimes even before 4 am ( which  gives me more trouble than comfort at times like these). I showered, changed into the beautiful Skirt in Nepal that I bought to blend in with Srilankan women.  Purnima, who was generous with tips in Srilanka advised about wearing white clothes to blend in which had some perks. So, off I went to breakfast on 4^th floor of hotel. Grand Oriental had a excellent staff. After "hot water fiasco" last night, perhaps everybody knew me as a "hot water" lady and would ask "mam, you have got hot water?", " did you get hot water?", "Do you need hot water?". On my last day at this hotel as I write on this memories, I think every single staff from reception, room service and housekeeping knows about my "hot water", ahhh this tells me I need to be more discreet in future.

So, here I was in one of the best hotels in Colombo. The dining hall overlooked a beautiful harbor.  I made friends with one wonderful Srilankan waiter Meelaka Gamage who worked on the dining hall. He had such a beautiful smile that was natural, it was not fake, I could tell. He watched me bemused with my great interest in Srilankan food. Thanks to Handun, Rashmi and Praveena I already knew that tingling spicy taste of Seeni Sambol and Pittu with coconut milk. Meelaka has given me a recipe for Seeni Sambol. I am going to make it someday in Nepal. There were options for continental breakfast ( bread, jam, fruits, museli with cold milk, danishes and cakes). But I straight-ahead moved to Srilankan food. That day they had porridge from Aloe Vera and it was very healthy and yummy.

Many people in Nepal particularly, have commented about my habit of talking about food. Once in one of my trips, my travel mate even ridiculed my fascination with food, labeling me as someone who is hungry everytime and somebody stupid to have this fascination with food. She said, "I don't care about what I eat, I am not like you, I eat whatever I find". I felt humiliated. I think food is a basic part of your life. Your taste in food defines you, it influences your thoughts and actions. So, let's not dismiss food as trivial. Especially, when you travel, food becomes even more important. Through food, through your taste buds, through your tongue, you experience and feel the place. In the end when your visit ends, you still remember those tastes, sensation and the feeling it brought you in your stomach and in your heart. So, I am not ashamed anymore to talk about it. So, I hereby would like to declare that, "yes, I am a food enthusiast, I love food, I love to eat, I love to blurp even" and that is my business. Don't tell me that my love for food is something insignificant, childish even. Food is my own way to get connected with people, food bonds people like nothing can. Share a meal with someone and you will realize that your relationship has gone to the next level.

So, in empty dining hall, I was the first person to come for breakfast. Should I start or wait for friends to arrive: I was in dillema. But rumbling of my stomach was getting louder and I had to do something about it. My favorite waiter brought a hot water in a bowl with a slice of lemon. That was for washing your hands before you start eating with your hands. Like Nepali daalbhat, Srilankan food is best eaten by hand, licking your fingers, forgetting your inhibitions. Whoever thinks eating by spoon is mark of sophistication and cleanliness need to reexamine their belief, seriously. The way you feel good food in your hands and when you lick fingers after the end of fulfilling meal, you feel Spoon is just so useless.

My other friend had arrived by 7 am and other two friends were lost somewhere. We called their room but no answer, what became of them? They, finally arrived panting to the dining hall and started asking me" where were you Neeti mam, we knocked the door several times". I asked what time, they said after 6.30. Well, earlier agreed time was 6.30 and we were meeting in dining room, so, how can they find me in room. Then, they went in hotel lobby and waited for us some more. Now, here is a tip for everybody travelling in a group. It is a free advice: take it or leave it. One needs to remember to set up clear communication about where and when to meet as a group. If you don't do that, then it sours the relationship with misunderstandings that you did not create. And I think seriously about agreed meeting points.

The first part of morning was spent on exploring options. There was a debate whether we go for quality experiences that cost like hell ( 100USD) for whole day tour, later with the goodwill dropped to 80 USD but still that was too much for me to spend in one whole day. I don't believe, expensive is always better. It was nearly decided to depart ourselves with our very dear 80 USD. Fortunately I and other friend explored two other options and fortunately we were able to save nearly 50% more than previous deal. So, off we went to the Kandy Tour. This is the most famous tourist destination nearby Colombo. It is about 3,4 hours ride from our hotel. Luckily the driver was same: the one who came to airport to receive yes. Yes, the one who christened me as Aneeti, we had already liked his behavior and helpful nature.

So, on the way, we stopped nearby the giant statue of Buddha and took some pictures. On the road, we had that "important" discussion again, which was creating more confusion fortunately we sorted out our differences and moved ahead. During travel we shared each other's stories and experiences. In my travels and talking with people, I have begun to form the patterns of communications with different people. My pattern of communications is:  I like to know the person who is next to them, I like to hear their story, if they feel comfortable with me. And I know, I talk a bit about myself. For people who do not understand me, I will sound narcissistic, too interested in myself. Yes, I have that a bit. But, I am equally interested in other people's stories and I feel when someone tells me something about them, I need to tell them something about me too. Each people have their own way of communicating things. For me, I find it hard to adjust when people twist and turn every statement spoken and go on a lengthy monologue just to prove a point with obvious indication that what one thinks is better.  And some people are silent, very diplomatic, thinking over every word they speak. Oh, the day I learn this art of diplomacy, I am working on it

So, on the way, we stopped for coconut water, a great privilege of being in Srilanka. We shot some pictures and moved towards a Herbal Garden. We met Dr. Indika from Luck Uyana, herbal and medicines garden. We were greeted by the staffs there and herbal garden was beautiful. We applied some aloe vera skin lotion and it smelled so natural. This made us think, Nepal is rich in herbs and we should be able to develop similar strategies. Looking at Srilankan herb gardens, one can think about how Nepal can establish new tourist attraction sites. And another important source of revenue will be of course herbal products. These days, people do not hesitate to spend more on herbal products if they are pure and authentic. We tried head massage and neck massage and it was like heaven. And all ladies out there, who are troubled with their skin hair, Srilankan hair removing cream works magic. According to India ( hope he is not exaggerating), if one spends around 6,000 Srilankan Rs and if you apply according to requirement ( they have clear instructions). Well, this time, didn't have enough money, may be in next visit, I will think about it hehehehehe. So, ladies out there, if you will pay me back absolutely, ( I could have got it as a gift but its too expensive), I can still get you this, while I am still here.

After that, we went to Srilankan Tea factory and observed how tea is made. I bought some Srilankan Tea. Come to my home if you wish to taste, okay. And if you come within one week of my arrival, there will be some srilankan sweets left too. After that, we went to Gem Factory, glittering gems attracted my eyes and I wished I was richer, I wanted some for myself, some for my mother, some for my two best friends Hajuri and Laxmi, Millie and Anju but what to do? May be in next visit, I will be more loaded with cash……………..one can dream…………….

Then, we were hungry, terribly hungry. Our driver took us to budget eatery and in 90Rs Srilankan we had good food. But Nepali habit of eating rice with soupy daal made us difficult to swallow rice. We tasted some Srilankan Sweets and they were yummy. Then, off we went to Buddha Temple. Since morning, I wanted to buy Srilankan Sim card to call my friends and to communicate with them about my plans and whereabouts so that we could meet. But it was already 4 pm but no sign of sim card, at times we were too busy to notice the sim card shops other times, I remembered but then there were no shops around.

So finally our driver took me to a mobile shop nearby Buddha temple and then I purchased dialog sim card for 150 Rs and topped up with 100 Rs and I still have like 99 Rs credit. Buddha temple was very beautiful. Srilankans dressed in cotton shirts, skirs and lungi carrying  beautiful lotus flowers was a beautiful sight to watch. I cliked many photos of local people and they were happy to pose. I found Srilankan people very helpful and being a Nepali, and coming from a land where Buddha was born helped a lot.

Then, we came back. One the way, we entered one restaurant for dinner but soon came out because our non-vegetarian wanted to try fish curry. The restaurant was good but waiter misunderstood and brought us less than we ordered. Then, it was complicated to wait another 15 minutes for it to be cooked again. So, we decided to pacify our stomach by fruits but fruits were bit expensive. One of my friend bought an apple and it cost her 70Rs, yes not a kilo but one single apple.

We all dozed off in a car on the way to our hotel. It was nearly 10 when we arrived with tired body. Soon, I feel asleep in a new bed. And of course, next morning, my natural alarm clock went off exactly at 5 in morning. After morning ablutions, I started a new day: first day of conference. More in next update. Thank you for reading.