Adieu to 2020 ( unfiltered)

 2020, what a year you have been. You started with good promise, that I was going to follow. I had set up priorities for you. I had plans for you. But, all went in vain. 

First, 2020 was the year, I would have my Graduation. I regretted not registering for earlier in December 2019. I had my reasons, there were too many pending work. My fantasy was to finish them all by May 2020 and attend graduation ceremony with a bang in my Monash University, Australia It would have been a costly affair, but worth penny. During some of the darkest and challenging moments of my PhD journey, visualizing myself graduating in a gown with my loved ones had helped me to persevere. But none of that happened. AFter making all preparations and just about to apply for a visa ahead of time. Australia closed it borders, crashing that dream. It coincided with first lockdown by government of Nepal. And I did not know what to do with my self. I remember, first few weeks of lockdown was very challenging for me. I have never been a stay at home person. I love my home, I love my family but being at home 24 hrs without venturing outside, without meeting colleagues, friends interacting in seminars, workshops and coffee meet ups. And not to forget my favourite time of working alone by myself in cafes of Patan, accomplishing small writing tasks over cups of coffee and hot bowl of Jhol Momo...................I was having an existential crisis. I realized, it was within these little moments of connections with people, food and places that I really lived.  I also remember, wandering around streets of kathmandu, looking for trinkets that Soham asked for his inventions and never ending project ideas was challenging at times. But it was worth it, when I found exactly what he needed and he would thank me with sincerity. Going Shopping with teenager Shubham and discussing over " what his style is" and realizing that my fears of parenting teenagers are exaggerated. Me and Shubham despite our differences and arguments at home, valued our time outside bonding over a cup of coffee, momo and him patiently waiting on the foyer sometimes, while I indulging on my own shopping. He would wait patiently till I selected the right sweater and he would say thoughtfully " It is looking good on you Ama but I wonder whether another color would be more suitable to your profession". And in midst of all this, sometimes me and Dadhi plan to have little #metime finding that gap of a time in a day between our busy working lives. We would suddenly find ourselves talking about things that escaped us at home. We would eat and always took takeaway for the boys.

These little things, little  moments of happiness were gone. What we thought would be for a month or two, lasted a whole year, and even more likely to prolong. It still feels like an eternity when we can go back to some semblance of normality. Corona Virus as an epidemic was not just about people being sick. It robbed us the sense of freedom and solace we found outside our homes. It robbed us of the happiness we sought while travelling. Things, I realize will never be the same. We won't be hugging as freely. We won't be meeting each other as freely. We won't  be travelling as freely. And yet, reflecting on the journey of a year, I feel positive that we will evolve. 

I am an educator, I love to teach. The best part of this profession is having face to face meetings and interactions with the students. The thrill and excitement I feel in the classroom gave me energy to do other things. When we moved to virtual classroom, I missed that. My students missed that. Patan Campus Sociology Department was one of the first to initiate online classroom. I conducted the very first session on zoom for the whole department to discuss the Term paper guideline, which I had shared with students just before the lockdown started. Over the weeks, few students emerged as leaders creating a virtual community of students and teachers in viber. We also connected each other in google group platform for easy sharing of resources. Zoom those days offered unlimited meetings for the first time users, so, student created their own account and hosted meetings, recorded them and shared in google drive platform ( which I had created to support sharing resources). Earlier, my communication with students was limited in campus only, after class. I always encouraged them to reach out to me and I offered to stay a few more minutes to answer questions. But shy ones never approached me, busy ones with work had to leave immediately after work, rushing for their work.. Creating this virtual community enabled students now to communicate with faculty members, ask questions and even discuss things among themselves. This, I believed increased access in communication and also established new norms of communicating online. The very first batch of First Semester Sociology in online classes were one of the most creative and sincere students I taught. I still remember reading their well-written term papers and giving them feedback to make it better. Gradually TU embraced the online learning and shifted classes to teams, which continues now. This sudden shift to online classes brought somewhat a digital revolution in TU. Academics, who never used a computer for their own learning and teaching, had to learn and educate themselves. However, this digital revolution have somewhat been limited to delivering the same old style face to face lectures in virtual platform, which is a disaster as it does not engages the students. We seriously need to think about pedagogy of online classrooms. 

Similar shift is happening in school education. I cannot say for others but, the way Soham has embraced online classes is a sight to see. I don't know how he is within face to face classroom. But online classroom is his playing field. He asks questions to teachers, sometimes too many. He expresses his disagreement or differences. And he volunteers to make powerpoint presentations. He follows up on his teacher in whatsapp asking " where is homework" via voice bytes and messages. Shubham, I think is tolerating and coping. Recently both boys had their mid-term assessment via open book exam. Both were sincere and worked hard. 

Talking about my boys, it may not have been easy for them, with just a year of returning from Australia, from different education system and culture and adjusting to this new normal was not easy. Me and Dadhi have tried to ensure that their transition has been smooth, but they have had upheavals. Only consolation is a hope that, they have become more emotionally resilent. Earlier, one way I could make things better for them was with food, specially bakery items, scavenging in kathmandu to find out the best bakeries. I discovered 12 baskets in Nakku Dobato. They loved the muffines, breads and donuts. But with pandemic, we minimized bringing cooked food from outside. Then, I started baking with limited amenities, innovating and figuring out how to bake without a oven. As a mother, cooking healthy and tasty meals for my boys is one of the ways, I express my love and care. Since then, we have made momos, pizza, bread, scones, donuts, sel roti, cakes and many other delicacies at home. During this pandemic, I have become nearly perfect at making sel roti, figuring out the perfect combination of the batter, reflecting each time on the past mistake I have made. I have made masyoura, I have even made titaura of lapsi and amala. I didn't realize I had it in me to become a home maker like this, embracing the art of cooking, pickling and preserving. As a busy working women, I mostly relied on getting these things from outside as it saved my time and effort. I also embraced these as a strategy to look forward to each day as new with a promise to make and create something. 

With pandemic, most of us working from home, creating a safe, peacefully and supportive environment at home is of utmost important. As family violence is rising worldwide, we all need to reflect how we are contributing to creation of this home environment. Things are not always easy for me, with engagement in teaching, writing publications and undertaking research works for different organizations. I tend to get stressed sometimes and I have not always managed it well. One of the way I dealt with these turbulations was sharing and venting with friends over coffee, having lost that I finally have connected with an online community. 

Earlier this year, I had this crazy idea of group of women writers and research together hanging out every Sunday over cup of coffee, writing and guff stuffing in between. Gradually that group translated into a online platform. We started doing weekly reading discussions. Each discussions started with weekly check-ins sharing about our challenges and accomplishments. We appeared together in online discussions and seminars. And we even zoom bombed few of the Manels with ingenious names. We supported each other and cheered each other during our presentations and seminars. We lament, discuss and support each other via our messenger group. This same year, I had a major fall out with one of the feminist writers. I don't want to go over the details. I am not perfect, I have my own biases. While I tried to reflect on that and meet halfway ( which was not necessary in first place, as I self distanced with her and simply had reached out to her in relation to one professional engagement). She took that opportunity to slam me continuously in messenger starting early morning to mid-afternoon. While I continued to say, look if I hurt you I am sorry. But, she kept on attacking me. While I respect what she writes and contributes, this has made me realize I will be more careful translating appreciation into a meaningful friendship. 

Friendship for me, has always been and will always have about each other. I realize I thrive best when I can support and receive support and motivation in return. Friendship for me is not space where I incessantly hear and talk about what's wrong with other people. It is a space for me to find solace and to give same in return for the highs and lows of life. And most importantly, I connect best with people who want to grow both inwardly and also in their career.  

In addition to all this, inspired by my friend Pranika and her knitting experience, I started crocheting again, picking up the needle after nearly 15 years. I prefer crochet over the knitting needles. I find crocheting less intimidating and more flexible.During college years, inspired by industrious Anjana Chalise ( who studied home science and is now business owner at Silican Valley), I started knitting. Anjana would turn her torn jeans into bag, knitting bags out of Jute thread and still managed to look fashionable. I tried that, but results were disastrous. After one or two specimen of knitting, I stopped, as life got busier. Then, while I was in fieldwork in Nepal, my boys learnt knitting with help of our neighbour Wendy, who watched over them after school while Dadhi was working in Australia. I restarted a bit, but never had much time and stamina to continue as demands of PhD and taking care of boys was challenging. Little time I had in between, I would rather take a nap, or just watch a show in Netflix without wanting to move a muscle in my body.

Things changed this year. I realized at some point, I need to find a diversion away from social media, from my never ending research and writing engagements and from demands of being a mom. One fine day I travelled to Bhotahity and bought a big bag of wool of different colors.  Boys started helping turning these loops of thread into a ball of wool. Even buwa, would help out to turn into balls. Sometimes, while basking in sun, I would see all my boys ( buwa, Dadhi, Shubham and Soham) each making a balls out of the wool, it was a sight to see these men working with wool. I chuckled and smiled with pride and now I regret not capturing that moment in camera but the image is struck in my memory forever. As I knit, I reflected, our life as a journey is similar to that of a wool. You start with a shapeless thread, you add a simple single stitch and then you keep on adding and find the momentum in which it grows itself. It is about trusting the process that it will grow, it will move and turn something into better. But not always. 

Mistakes happen, threads get entangled, it is your decision whether to cut them off entirely or really work on them one by one finding each entanglement and untangle them with patience. which one you choose, depends on your mood and also the time you have. with the mistakes, you sometimes rectify immediately and mend it. Sometimes, you go too far with it, and you think, do you undo it all the way to back or just bear with it and move ahead. Or do you start a fresh project, with lessons from the past mistakes. Knitting now has become a place of zen and peace. I knit while I sit in the sun talking with buwa and boys. I knit watching the Korean drama in Netflix, another discovery, another place of comfort during this pandemic. And yes, this is a prompt now for me to write about K-Drama now :) 

K-drama are clean, they move slowly, in each episode you get to know the character a bit more with back story. Romance never develops in first episode, you see glimmer of that sometime in the middle like episode 5 and 6 and it builds on. And Korean drama is always about food. At one point or the another, hero or heroine will tell to each other " eat up, food is getting cold", just like we Nepalese do. By now, I have learnt almost all tropes the drama use, I just smile and continue watching. As I do not watch these to deconstruct and tear apart. K-drama is like a comforting presence while I knit, a perfect companion. 

Now, seems like post has become quiet long, I initially thought, I would just write a quick FB post on what a shitty year 2020 has been. It's a cliche but I realize, it has come with a lesson. It has made all of us to set our priorities straight, focus more on our health, both physical and even more mental: not just us in individual level but our families and people around us. 

2021, I do not know what you will bring. Hoping, it will be a sens of hope. I know being a citizen of Nepal, access to vaccine is far fetched. But we cannot give up hope. As, hope is the only rope that keeps us holding during turbulent times. 

Happy New Year to readers who read this patiently till now. Drop a note to share that you were here and share how 2020 has been for you. Take care and stay safe

Dream to reality

One dream of mine is about to be realized. I will not share now, what this is. But want to share, how it came about, what was the process, and what I need to do to realize it fully.

First, I recognized within myself that I needed to do it. I acknowledged the importance of it. I knew, doing it helps my career, and is connected to another bigger dream that I am envisioning for myself after a year or two.

Personal dream takes a collective effort. I realized that. I got connected with people, who had similar dream like mine. I talked with them, I emailed them. I shared that I am interested in. I put in the works for it. And then, they too accepted that they accept my dream as a part of the collective dream that we all are envisioning.

Now, yes, the dream was accepted. It's not a reality yet. Now, I need to turn it into reality. Baby steps have started, but I recognize, this will not be enough, as other commitments, responsibilities and my own slavery to certain temptations are holding me back. Next few months, I have to strategically find quality and allocated time for me to dedicate to that dream to become reality. This would be about saying NO to lot of people, events, temptations. And it is going to be hard. IT will be also about talking, sharing, brainstorming with like minded people, which is always effortless for me. Most importantly, it will be about reminding myself everyday that for now, this dream is a priority and all other commitments will have to be managed accordingly.

And all this planning, for a dream, that is actually so so small. But yet, it overwhelms me, I wonder, whether I can do it. Even if I know, I can do it, I wonder whether it will be perfect. And I know, based on the experience of realizing my previous dream successfully that this voice will not stop, it will keep on going on my head. And I will just be a witness to this kind of talking. I will not give in to it, I will just let it be, and do my thing.

So, dreamers out there, just wanted to share that if you have a dream, acknowledge it. And connect it with your day to day activity. Allocate regular, ( if not everyday) time for it. WORK ON IT. That's the only way.

The life lived in two decades of Millenium

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020 to all reading this blog. It's been a while I have written here. The pleasure of writing here is that I can write unfiltered, unedited version of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Writing has always been important form of expression for me. I write to make sense of things, I write just for the pure pleasure of it. 

WHEW, what a journey it has been. Living two decades of new millenium, it has been a life full of adventure, also full of anxiety, happiness and fulfillment. Looking back, I wouldn't change any of it. Not even the times, I faced challenge. It's a cliche but now, I understand the true meaning of it. 

Born nearly at the beginning of 1980s,  of previous millenium and coming of age as an adult in 2000 was a journey in itself. As a Nepali woman, I witnessed key poilitical changes and also social changes in terms of gender relations. It was my privelege to be born to parents, who always priorotirised my education and also encouraged me to be independent. I remember, starting my career as a teacher where I possibly taught nearly five years. This allowed me to pursue my Undergraduates in PK Campus, where only few friends were working. I remember PK days with fondness and sometimes I wish I could go back and live some of those moments when I was naive, I was too serious, I was sometimes too worried about my future. I was also very anxious about my own journey of being a woman in Nepali society. I clearly knew, I would not want to get married, as I had seen and witnessed, marriage at that point meant giving up one's dreams, aspirations and moulding oneself to model wife, daughter in law. 

I did not see that image within me. First of all, being brought up in Boarding Residential school, as one of the few girls amongst boys, I had to learn to stand up for myself. I remember, how I would even wrestle with boys and I learnt if you do not fight back, you will forever be sidelined. I was a tomboy with short hair and also a body language that showed I was more of a boy than a girl. I still remember, once we were somewhere in Dang for a school camp. My friends shared with me that the local students had placed a bet about whether I was a girl or a boy. I heard, most people betted me as a girl. 

So, I was not into having a marriage at all. I remember discussing among my PK friends that I don't want to be a wife but I want to be a mother. So, I will see if I can do that. I still remember what one of my friends said " I better keep men of my family, away from you". Looking back, I find it really funny. 

So, early 2000, was my own way of making sense of lot of things about what I wanted in my life. And what I wanted was too much at that time. I wanted to have successful career, I wanted to pursue higher education, I wanted to be financially independent, I wanted to write, I wanted family. Among all these wants, I was obsessed in a way to pursue higher education abroad with scholarship. I still remember making trips to British Council and USEF to pore over the university pamphlets to find about the courses and scholarship. It was the age of cyber cafe, which was new business in town. I remember typing my application letters in floppy disk in office computers and using cyber cafe to send those. 

It was possibly sometime towards end of 2001 that my father purchased desktop computer for me. I remember going out with my cousin Bhola Dai to order the computer. The computer order went like this : This much of RAM, this much of memory.  I did not understand much of it, but that asseembled computer cost nearly 50,000 Rs and I promised my father that I would try to generate some money out of it. And I did start writing articles for kathmandu post, himalayan times and space time. It was a good pocket money, which came in handy when I left my teaching job to pursue Masters in Sociology in  Kirtipur. The classes were held in the day, so it was impossible for me to continue working. It was also around the same time that I actively started to volunteer with organizations working with and working for disabled people. Later, I also got engaged in research in disability. It seems my first 10 decades of 2010 was formative one for me. 

It was the decade, I pursued my Masters in Sociology, paved my way to becoming an academic and sociologist. It was also the decade I got married, had two children and also fulfilled my long-held dream to study abroad with scholarship. The beginning of that decade also came with lot of personal upheaval in my life. Beginning of that decade, I witnessed closely my mother's failing health and how I had to be there for her, not just physically to help her but also be more present in her life as a daughter. This required certain sacrifices from my part, I left my job as it was impossible to pursue higher education, take care of mother and also have a job all at the same time. Now, looking back, those first few years of the decade, when I took time off from teaching, allowed me to reassess lot of things in life. It was also a time, I got deeply into writing, poems in particular. I fell in "love", double quote because now I question it. But, that experience taught me a lot to rethink and reassess what kind of life partner, I wanted, if I ever married. It also gave me clarity about what I seek in a relationship. It's complicated but, I knew that I needed someone who is not a conventional husband, I needed a friend, who would value my feelings, respect my desire for freedom, who is supportive and non-judgemental. My decision to get married in 2005 was possibly about that, now I reflect. At the time of my marriage, it was also about putting rest to my parent's anxiety about me settling down. It was an intuitive decision, it was also about taking risks and jumping in and thinking about dealing with consequences later at that point. And I feel blessed to have found my partner who is everything that I hoped to find as a life partner. 

Last four years of first decade was busy, being mother of two children in between and pursuing higher education in Australia and also seeking a permanent academic position within Tribhuvan University. Whew, what a journey. I am glad, I decided and take risk to have two children, instead of one only. It melts my heart to see the beautiful bond they share, the way they talk to each other. The way they have their back, when any one of them feel, I am being bit demanding on the other one. It took a lot of sleepless nights, anxieties and stress of them falling sick one after another, balancing motherhood at the peak of my career. It was only because everyone contributed. My mother took care of them, fed them. My father was there, even with the very fact that he was there helped. And most importantly, my partner proved to be more of a mother than I was. His skills in physical and emotional care are astounding. And I know, now my sons know as well that their father is rare, he is involved. He listens to them, he talks to them, He is there for them, no matter what and they know it. 

Now, 2010-2020 was an interesting decade, I find it unbelievable that decade has gone. In the beginning of decade 2011, I found permanent position within Tribhuvan University. It was comforting in many ways as by that time, I knew that 9-5 administrative work is not me. I did not see myself sitting behind the desk whole day. I wanted to teach, I always have. My passion from teaching grew from my teaching experience in school for nearly 5 years. I wish there were good prospects for me to continue to teach in primary school, I have such fond memories of teaching young children. Many of them are now young professionals and have started their families. And what I value is they remember me, they call me out, when they see me in the street. No pleasure in the world beats the feeling when your students remember you as a good teacher, who loved them, cared about them and enabled them to learn. 

So, I also learnt, I wanted to do research and write actively. So, entering academia formally made sense to me. It was also the decade, I invested my time and energy to prepare my PhD applications for scholarship abroad. The highlight of that was visiting Columbia University as a Visting Fellow in 2012, where I delivered my first public lecture based on my research on women with disability. I also took a course on oral history. I still remember, walking in streets of Jackson heights, pottering around libraries of Columbia. The most memorable part of the US trip was to meet my dear friend Denise Marika, who is no more with us. Denise has been such a big influence in my life. Staying with her in Boston, visiting grounds of Harvard University are the memories, I cherish forever. This was also the time, I was enjoying my motherhood at its best. Shubham from the very moment on that Soham was born, became the model big brother. And Soham emulated him, for him everything that Shubham did was the ideal and he still tries to keep up. I enjoyed and I still do, reading for them and with them every day. Both boys had books when they were merely few months. I would start reading, pointing the pictures. Now, they both have love of books and love of words. I know, they would trade it for ipad anyday. But, still when they go to bed, they need to snuggle with the book on their hand. Shubham would not sleep unless he reads few pages. And with Soham, reading in bed with him is highlight of my day. It is a time that I truly relax and let go of all stress and frustrations. We read and through reading, we talk to each other, share our thoughts, share our feeling. My children are normal, they are not exceptional academic whiz kids and I am glad of that. They have hobbies, They are very keen on making things, particularly Soham is in phase of creating things from his hand. Last month was all about his passion in making bow and arrow, and whole household was involved as he was talking non stop about it and he wanted certain things that required great deal of research :) 

By end of 2014, I received scholarship to pursue Phd. I will elaborate the whole PhD saga perhaps in another post. It was a lifetime, an experience in intself, it had its highs and lows. It nearly cost my sanity, it made me feel guilty about not taking care of boys that well. Lot of emotional turmoil was there. But, I am glad, I have done that and I survived that. Comparing with some of my friends experience, who managed to do multiple publications, I could not do that. I knew, I could have done that, but considering that  impostor syndrome was full on, and also being available parent for first few years of PhD made it tough. But, I need to prioritize publication now, publish or perish will be my Mantra Now. 

The last five years ( 2015-2019), my family has lived in two different countries. We are back to Nepal after living four years in Australia. Boys studied there, in a very different education system and it has been quiet a transition for them to get used to education system in Nepal. It has been tough for them and I feel for them. And I can only hope that this will make them more adaptible and resilient individuals. As a parent, I believe we cannot shield our children from the challenges, we can only support them and enable them to fare with them better. Having formative years of education in Australia has been vaulable for them. They are critical thinkers, they are creative. They are expressive and yes, they have opinions and they express them. They would even critically analyze my own behavior as a parent and tell me at times when I am at odd or when I make mistakes. On immediate level, it is not a nice feeling to have. Most of us want this obidient subversient children who would follow our words. Well, my sons are not like that at all. But, they are kids and they need right direction. And my partner is better at steering in right direction, mostly in terms of their everyday routine and behaviour :) this is another blog post on its own about the parenting differences between us

So, here it is, an adieu to the year 2019. Acknowledging the last two decades of my life. And yes, happy and content just to be here. Immediate few years would be about enjoying the fruits of labour, thinking what next, and being more connected to my sons, being more available. They do not need that much of a physical intensive care anymore. They need more of somoene to talk to and I hope both of us as parents would be the first people they would talk to about anything. I will need to work more on that. On career front, I will keep doing what I am doing : thinking out of the box, investing more time and energy in teaching WELL, not just routine teaching, bringing new initiatives and ideas and most importantly, connecting with students. This connection has always meant a lot for my female students and I will continue that. This does not mean, I am not available for male students, but I guess, being Nepali women academic,  male students still value senior male academics than women academics. I will write more about this in my upcoming paper.  

It's 2nd of January 2020 4 am. I woke up at 3 am and could not go back to sleep. And I thought I better finish that blog that has been on my mind since early this week. 

Article in Naya Patrika

https://www.nayapatrikadaily.com/news-details/32192/2019-12-26?fbclid=IwAR3zjwjAKK3F9GBV-_vZBtWnWUBYHMj-SfhYwOT4LOvHXqr729-j5VTnd9Q

नेपाली महिला : एक सुषुप्त ज्वालामुुखी

त्रिविजस्तो प्राज्ञिक थलोमा हिंस्रक पितृसत्तात्मक सोच र सामन्तवाद हाबी हुनु गलत हो, ‘त्रिविभित्रको भालेवाद’ सच्चिनुको विकल्प छैन
मलाई लाग्छ, हरेक नेपाली महिलाभित्र एउटा सुषुप्त ज्वालामुखी छ । बाल्यकालदेखि परिवार, विद्यालय र विश्वविद्यालयमा पढ्दासम्म भोगेका विभिन्न दुव्र्यवहार खातमाथि खात भएर हाम्रा मनका ‘म्याग्मा च्याम्बर’हरूमा विद्रोहको लाभा भरिँदै जाने रहेछ । त्यसमाथि झन् एउटा निश्चित अनुभव, क्षमता र उच्च शिक्षा प्राप्त गरिसकेपछि पनि कार्यक्षेत्रमा समेत दुव्र्यवहार भोग्नुपर्दा त्यो सुषुप्त ज्वालामुखी विस्फोट हुने रहेछ । 

म अहिले त्यही विस्फोटनको प्रक्रियामा छु । मभित्रका विद्रोहका लाभा अब भित्र अडिन नसकेर बाहिर निस्किरहेछन्, ती कहिले सामाजिक सञ्जालमा त कहिले सम्बन्धित पदाधिकारीसामु पोखिन्छन् । अहिलेको यो लेख पनि त्यही ज्वालामुखीको रापको बलले निस्किएको हो । तर, बाहिर विस्फोट हुन सक्नु पनि एउटा सहुलियत नै रहेछ, जो सबैसँग उपलब्ध हुँदैन । बाहिर विस्फोट हुन नसकेका ज्वालामुखीरूपी महिला भित्रभित्रै कतै आफैँ भस्म त भइरहेका छैनन् ?

गत साता त्रिवि कीर्तिपुुर परिसरभित्र मैले दुव्र्यवहार भोगेँ । यस्तो किसिमको दुव्र्यवहार महिलाले दिनहुँ भोग्छन् । हामी नेपाली महिलाले भोगेका दुव्र्यवहारको शृंखला अन्त्यहीन छ । यो कहाँबाट सुरु भयो र कहाँ गएर टुंगिन्छ, यसै भन्न सकिने आधार छैन । मैले विद्यालयमा भोगेँ, चुप बसेँ । मैले फेरि दुव्र्यवहार भोगेँ, नेपालका एक कथित पाका महान् संगीतकारबाट, जसकोमा म निरन्तर संगीत सिक्न जान्थेँ । मैले फेरि पनि भोगेँ, आफ्नो पहिलो काम गर्ने थलोमा, जहाँ म एक स्वयंसेवक शिक्षकका रूपमा काम गर्ने गर्थें । यी सब घटनाले मलाई धेरै पीडा दिए । म लामो समयसम्म एक मानसिक अवसादमा फसेँ । अझै पनि यी घटनाको सम्झना हुँदा पीडा हुन्छ । ‘तिमी किन बोलेनौ’ ? हिंसापीडित महिलालाई प्रायः सोधिने प्रश्न हुन् यी । तर, हामीमध्ये कतिले बुझेका छौँ, सबै महिला बोल्न सक्ने स्थितिमा हुँदैनन् । 

महिलाले आफूमाथि हिंसा भएको बुझ्ने र बोल्न सक्ने भए पनि हाम्रो समाजमा हिंसापीडितलाई हेर्ने दृिष्टकोण सकारात्मक छैन । लैंगिक हिंसालाई म शक्ति सम्बन्धसँग जोडेर हेर्छु, र हाम्रो समाजमा केही सकारात्मक परिवर्तन हुँदाहुँदै पनि लगभग सबै सामाजिक संरचना र संस्थामा पुरुष नै शक्तिकेन्द्रमा रहेका हुनाले महिला पुरुषको तुलनामा हिंसाको बढी जोखिममा छन् । र, जब हिंसापीडित महिला आफूमाथि भएको दुव्र्यवहारबारे बोल्छन्, समाजमा उनीहरूकै चरित्रमाथि प्रश्न गरिन्छ ।

अनि त्यो हिंसा भोग्नुमा उनीहरू नै जिम्मवार भएजस्तो गरी ‘यसो गरेको भए त्यस्तो हुँदैनथ्यो’ भनेर पीडितमाथि झन् दोहोरो मानसिक हिंसा हुन्छ । त्यति मात्र नभई पीडकले घटनाको पुनव्र्याख्या यसरी गर्छन्, जसले सुन्ने अन्य मानिसलाई पीडितकै गल्ती हो जस्तो लाग्छ । यसलाई ‘ग्यास लाइटिङ’ भनिन्छ । यसको परिणाम वरिपरिका सुन्ने मानिस पीडितको ‘मानसिक सन्तुलनमाथि प्रश्न गर्न थाल्छन् । अनि जब पीडितले आफूविरुद्ध भएको अन्यायबारे कुरा अगाडि राख्छन्, त्यसका कारण उल्टै पीडक आफैँले आफ्नो सामाजिक प्रतिष्ठा र मानसिक शान्ति गुमाएको आरोप पीडितमाथि लगाउँछ । अनि मानिसलाई पीडकप्रति नै सहानुभूति जाग्न थाल्छ । यो पीडकले अपनाउने एक मनोवैज्ञानिक हतियार हो । 

म एक मध्यम वर्गीय परिवारकी ४० वर्षीया महिला हुँ । प्रवासमा संघर्ष गरी दुई छोरा हुर्काउँदै विद्यावारिधिसम्मको शिक्षा पूरा गरी यही वर्ष एउटा उत्साहसाथ नेपाल फर्किएँ । मलाई चिन्ने मान्छेलाई थाहा छ, म एक दशकभन्दा बढी समय समाजशास्त्र र लैंगिक अध्ययनसँग सम्बन्धित विभिन्न विषय पढाउँछु । महिलाविरुद्ध हुने हिंसामा म लामो समयदेखि अनुसन्धान र पैरवीमा संलग्न छु । अरूको नजर र म स्वयं आफैँले मूल्यांकन गर्दा म हरेक हिसाबले एक सशक्त महिला हुँ । तर, गत साताको घटनाले मलाई म नेपाली समाजकै एक प्रतिनिधि महिला हुनुको ऐना देखाइदिएको छ । किनकि, म यतिन्जेल अरूका लागि बोलिरहेकी थिएँ । त्रिविभित्र हुने विभिन्न किसिमका दुव्र्यवहार अन्त्य हुनुपर्छ र यसलाई कम गर्न कडा नियम हुनुपर्छ भनेर सहकर्मीसँग मिलेर विभिन्न कार्यक्रमको संयोजन गरिरहेकी थिएँ । 

गत वर्ष त्रिविका विद्यार्थीमाथि विश्वविद्यालयका प्राध्यापकबाट दुव्र्यवहार भएको मिडियामा आयो । पीडितले उजुरी गर्ने सम्बन्धित निकाय नहुँदा, मिडियामा आउनु उहाँहरूको बाध्यता थियो । आरोपित मैले सम्मान गर्ने व्यक्ति थिए, जसलाई म राम्रोसँग चिन्थेँ । तर, मेरो नैतिक दायित्वले चुप बस्न दिएन । त्यतिखेर म विद्यावारिधि गर्ने क्रममा देशबाहिर थिएँ । मैले त्यतिखेर सम्बन्धित विभागका सिनियर विद्वान्लाई यस विषयमा केही गर्न अपिल पनि गरेँ, यो त्यतिखेरको कुरा हो जब पीडितले विभागको नाम पनि खुलाएका थिएनन् । मैले ती विद्यार्थीलाई चिन्थेँ र म बोलेँ, किनकि मेरो बुझाइमा यस्ता कुरामा चुप बस्नु भनेको यसको मौन समर्थन गर्नु हो । त्यस घटनापछि त्रिविभित्र यस विषयमा लामै बहस भएको छ ।

राष्ट्रिय तहमा नेपालमा कार्यस्थलभित्र हुने विभिन्न किसिमका दुव्र्यवहारलाई नियमन गर्न कार्यस्थलमा हुने यौनजन्य दुव्र्यवहार (निवारण) ऐन, २०७१ आएको छ । ऐनअनुसार हरेक कार्यक्षेत्रका आआफ्नै नियम हुनु अत्यन्त जरुरी छ । यसैलाई आत्मसात् गर्दै त्रिविको समाजशास्त्र विभाग र लैंगिक अध्ययन विभागमा संलग्न केही प्राज्ञको पैरवीको फलस्वरूप तत्कालीन कायममुकायम उपकुलपति प्रा.डा सुधा त्रिपाठीको विशेष सक्रियतामा यही वर्ष दसैँअगाडि नै एउटा समिति बनेको थियो । त्यस समितिसँग सम्बन्धित विषयमा विज्ञहरूसँग छलफल गरेर त्रिविमा विभिन्न किसिमका दुव्र्यवहार न्यूनीकरण गर्न र पीडितलाई न्याय दिने निकाय गठन गर्न सक्ने म्यान्डेट थियो । तीन महिना कार्यकाल रहेको यो समिति करिब पाँच महिना बितिसक्दा पनि निष्क्रिय नै रहेको देखिन्छ । 

जब ममाथि दुव्र्यवहार भयो, धेरैलाई त त्यो सानोतिनो घटना भन्ने नै लागेको रहेछ । तर, मेरा लागि त्यो सानो घटना थिएन । त्यस दुव्र्यवहारले मलाई शारीरिक चोट त पु¥यायो नै, त्योभन्दा बढी मेरो आत्मसम्मानमा ठेस पुग्यो । तर, मलाई पीडाभन्दा रिस नै बढी उठ्यो । मैले तत्काल पीडकले मलाई जे ग¥यो, त्यही गर्न सक्थेँ पनि होला । तर, आफूभन्दा निकै जेठो र अनुभवी व्यक्तिलाई त्यसो गर्न सक्ने शक्ति हामीमा हुन्न ।

मेरा लागि मैले पढेको विषय समाजशास्त्र र लैंगिक अध्ययन, फगत बुद्धिबिलासका लागि होइन । म आफू मेरो व्यक्तिगत र व्यावसायिक जीवनलाई कसरी अघि बढाउँछु भन्ने एउटा मार्गदर्शन पनि हो । हिंसामा पर्ने व्यक्ति सबैले व्यक्तिगत लडाइँ लड्न सक्दैनन् । र, म आफूले पनि त्यही समाधान खोज्नु भनेको मेरो विद्वत्तामाथि नै प्रश्न उठाउनु हो । मलाई थाहा थियो, त्रिविभित्र कुनै त्यस्तो नियम छैन, जसको सहारा लिएर मैले न्याय खोज्न सकूँ । तर, नियम भएन भन्दैमा पीडितहरू सधैँ चुप बस्न नहुने रहेछ । मेरो अनुभवले मलाई यही सिकायो । नियमन भएका ठाउँमा पनि हामीले औपचारिक रूपले न्याय खोज्यौँ भने त्यो आफैँमा नजिर पनि बन्ने रहेछ । 

यही सोचेर मैले सम्बन्धित विभागमा लिखित निवेदन दिएँ । आफूसम्बद्ध विभागका प्रमुखलाई पनि औपचारिक जानकारी गराएँ । यसबीच धेरै साथीभाइ र मिडियाकर्मीले सामाजिक सञ्जालमा मैले लेखेको विषयलाई आधार बनाएर घटनाको जानकारी माग्नुभयो । तर, मैले आरोपित व्यक्तिको नाम कुनै पनि सामाजिक सञ्जाल र व्यक्तिगत कुराकानीमा खुलाइनँ । मेरो लडाइँ व्यक्तिविरुद्धभन्दा पनि प्रवृत्तिविरुद्ध लक्षित थियो । 

बाहिर विस्फोट हुन सक्नु पनि एउटा सहुलियत नै रहेछ, जो सबैसँग उपलब्ध हुँदैन । बाहिर विस्फोट हुन नसकेका ज्वालामुखीरूपी महिला भित्रभित्रै कतै आफैँ भष्म त भइरहेका छैनन् ?

गत शुक्रबार सम्बन्धित विभागको बैठक बस्यो । मलाई पनि विभागीय प्रमुखले बोलाउनुभएकाले उपस्थित भएँ । हामी दुवै पक्षले एक–अर्काका कुरा सुन्यौँ र उहाँले आत्मालोचना गरेपछि मलाई न्याय मिलेको अनुभूति भयो । त्यसपछि हामीले अबका दिनमा हाम्रो पेसागत सम्बन्धलाई सम्माननीय र सुमधुर रहने प्रतिबद्धता गर्याैं । मलाई गर्व छ, त्यो बैठकमा उपस्थित सहकर्मीप्रति जसले सम्मानजनक वातावरणमा यो समस्यालाई समाधान गर्न सहयोग गर्नुभयो । थाहा छैन, त्रिविका कति विभागभित्र यो सम्भव छ, नेपालकै कति कार्यालयभित्र सम्भव छ ? सबै पीडामा परेकाहरू मैले जसरी बोल्न सक्ने स्थितिमा हुँदैनन् । मजस्तै बोल्न सक्ने भए पनि विनानियम, विनाकानुन कसैले न्याय पाउँदैनन् । फेरि त्यसमाथि आधाभन्दा बढी दुव्र्यवहारका घटना नियम बनेपछि कारबाही हुने डरले त्यसै पनि कम हुन्छन् । 

कार्यस्थलमा हुने विभिन्न दुव्र्यवहारको अधिकांश सिकार महिला नै हुने गर्छन् । तर, यसो भनिरहँदा सीमान्तकृत अवस्थामा रहेका पुरुष पनि त्यत्तिकै जोखिममा हुन्छन् भन्ने बिर्सन मिल्दैन । त्यसमाथि नेपालमा अधिकांश कार्यक्षेत्र अनौपचारिक छन्, अव्यवस्थित छन् । पेसागत मर्यादाभित्रका सम्मानित व्यवहार के–के हुन् भनेर व्यापक छलफल हुनु जरुरी छ । यसका लागि विशेषगरी शिक्षित पेसाकर्मीले आफैँ पनि अध्ययन गर्नु जरुरी छ । उच्च शिक्षा प्राप्त व्यक्तिले मैले थाहा नपाएर दुव्र्यवहार गरेको रहेछु भन्न सुहाउँदैन । र, यी कुरा बुझाउने मजस्तो भुक्तभोगीको जिम्मेवारी पनि होइन । 

यो घटना मेरा लागि पीडादायी भए पनि त्यसबाट केही सकारात्मक परिणाम आएको छ । हुन त मैले जेजति बोलेँ, गरेँ, केही मानिसले मैले आफ्नो पैरवीका लागि ‘उत्पादित पीडित’ खोजेँ भन्ने आरोप पनि लगाए । आफ्नो नियमित प्राध्यापन, अनुसन्धानलगायत घरपरिवारलाई व्यवस्थापन गर्न गाह्रो भइरहेको म एक व्यस्त पेसाकर्मीको फुर्सद कसरी देखे मलाई थाहा छैन । माफ गर्नुस् महोदय, फुर्सद भए म छोराहरूसँग खेलेर बस्छु । मैले यस विषयमा गर्ने पैरवी मेरो प्राज्ञिक दायित्वको एउटा पाटो हो ।

म त्रिविमा कार्यरत एक महिला प्राज्ञको हिसाबले भन्न चाहन्छु, त्रिवि महिला विद्यार्थी, कर्मचारी र प्राज्ञका लागि अझै पनि सम्मानजनक बन्न सकेको छैन । त्रिविले महिलाको संख्या बढाउन गरेको रिजर्भेसन प्रशंसायोग्य छ । महिलाको संख्या बढाउने तर महिलालाई सम्मानजनक वातावरणमा आफ्नो काम गर्ने वातावरण नहुनु दुःखको कुरा हो । त्रिविजस्तो प्राज्ञिक थलोमा हिंस्रक पितृसत्तात्मक सोच र सामन्तवाद हाबी हुनु गलत हो र यसमा हामी सबैले आत्मालोचना नगरी सुखै छैन । मेरा एक पुरुष सहकर्मीले भनेअनुसार ‘त्रिविभित्रको भालेवाद’ सच्चिनुको विकल्प छैन । 

(खनाल त्रिवि समाजशास्त्र विभागमा प्राध्यापनरत छिन्)

Personal Statement regarding resolve of workplace harrassment in TU

Dear All

I am writing this personal statement to all those who have expressed utmost care and concern about my well being. I know, you have reached me through facebook, twitter and phone calls. And I apologize, I may not have been personally been able to answer to all of you. Thank you also to dear friends working in media, who have reached out and at the same time respected my need for privacy and trusting the due process.

I feel blessed to have earned your goodwill and support, without which I would not have been able to have courage to speak out. I also request you to extend similar amount of support to other people around you who have faced similar trauma.

Last Sunday, I experienced workplace harassment. It was shocking and troubling experience. There was effort to belittle my experience of trauma. I think that workplace harassment has become so normalized that people do not recognize it anymore. And when people like me speak out, people see us as someone who is just making a big deal out of nothing. And in this post, I do not want too much to focus on these people who fail to understand my pain and outrage. For these people, my one message is: EDUCATE YOURSELF. No one else can do that for you. Unless you are self aware and unless you are open enough to critically examine your own behaviour, thoughts and opinions, no matter how survivors like me provide evidence, facts, logic, arguments, you will never understand. So, I am not speaking for you here, It is not my responsibility, not my burden. It is your own problem, fix it and stop putting yourself in arguments and discussions that you do not have enough humanity to even talk about it. PERIOD,

Many people, thought, I should have sought personal solutions, personal reconciliation. I, someone who has been engaged in research and activism in VAW, it is disrespect to the academic community, researchers and against my own ethics. Also, as someone who is engaged in teaching gender, presents herself as feminist sociologist, it is unethical to stay silent and tolerate it. 

I spoke understanding my privilege and position of power. I knew there are people who will listen to me, I knew there are people who support me. Not everyone is in position like this. So, I also had to speak out to let other people out there who do not have that privilege, who are marginalized. 

I recognize that men who are vulnerable, in marginalized situation also can experience workplace harassment. My work as a researcher with strong research interest in intersectionality, has not just been about women, but also about men and those who are at margin. So, I spoke out for my ethics and professional integrity and last but not least for my peace of mind. Besides, being survivor of these kind of violence in the past, and also at that time not being in position to speak out or seek any solutions. I SIMPLY HAD ENOUGH OF IT. I am nearly 40, mother of two sons and a woman academic with decade long research and teaching experience. SO, if people expect me to be this docile, submissive, non-questioning, very accepting, doormat who will tolerate anything, everything. SORRY to surprise you. I will not be SILENT. Interestingly, I was earlier, at least talking about harrassment within TU, was more speaking for others, as I have been blessed to have pleasant experience  ( discounting minor misdemeanours, which are plenty). This incident also has showed me the real face our society. No matter, how much women like me work harder, receive education, excel in our profession, take leadership in our work. For SOME PEOPLE, we are mere women, we are mere OBJECTS. SORRY BUT NOT SORRY for speaking out, for lodging the complaint, for seeking the formal process.

So, I sought a formal process to resolve this. At the time, when I took this course, there was no formal process in place within the concerned department. I deeply admire concerned Department Heads who listened to me and responded with dignity that each person going through this trauma deserves.

Yesterday, meeting was called within the concerned department. In presence of the academic community, we created a history by holding a respectful hearing and I received unreserved/unconditional apology. There were efforts at gaslighting, retelling the events and reinterpretation of events in a way to discount my experience of abuse. But I am proud of my academic community who recognized this and helped us to resolve this in dignified manner.

And on personal level, I will maintain cordial relationship with the said person and with yesterday’s resolution, this is done and over with. And since last week, I have maintained dignity and privacy of the said person and I have not named the person in my private and public conversation. I can’t help it if people know using their common sense, as the incident happened within the public vicinities of public university. It is not my burden to protect your name in this circumstance as this is beyond my control, and not my responsibility. The burden of dignity of perpetrators need to be rethought before they harm others, they abuse others. Abusing people and then saying I am victimized, I am stressed and blaming survivors of abuse for it is simply disgusting. However, I urge those who know not to ostracize and belittle the said person further, as people make mistakes and these things happen. The point is to stop them from happening again and again.

The positive outcome of this whole ordeal was that,  Central Department of Sociology and Central Department of Anthropology both have committed to work together to develop a workplace harassment policy, which will be implemented in Department level. And we will also present this policy to the University Authorities. I would like to add that the manner in which my all male colleagues of Sociology/Anthropology fraternity presented themselves with understanding, this would not have perhaps been possible in any other department. I know these kind of issues have surfaced within our community before, but we need to take this positively. These issues are predominant in other academic communities within University, but our SO/AN community is more vocal about it, this is also due to our academic and analytical skills given by your disciplines. So, I am proud of you all those who were present in the meeting yesterday and offered solidarity.

There is a long road ahead of us. And this should be seen as beyond male female issue. I emphasize that we need to have broader discussion on dignified workspace within Tribhuvan University. Any activity, words and beahvior that attacks person’s  dignity needs to be called out.

In defense of Teej

NOTE: The article appeared on the TEEJ ( 2013) in Kathmandu Post

In Defense of Teej

Sparkling bangles and bindis, women singing and dancing in odd places and times of the day in neighborhood, images of women in red sari taking over facebook timeline: festive season of Teej is here once more. Ask anyone about Teej, they are sure to have very passionate opinions about it: men or women, follower or non follower. Some are vehemently against it, some are ardently supporting it.  And in between that, some women like me do not know anymore whether to love or hate Teej. Coming into age in mid 1990s at the height of feminist movement, I still remember the passionate arguments of feminists against Teej.  Celebrating Teej was hailed as a symbol of patriarchy and conformation of the male domination by women. Indeed many of modern Nepali women do not agree with many of the ideologies and rituals of Teej. Over the time, one can see that Nepali women have embraced Teej with new meanings.  Thus, I find it necessary to examine some of the concerns and accusations directed towards women celebrating Teej. While I go on writing, I am aware that I will sound like a fanatic narcissist middle class women bent on defending her own brood.

Some sections of Nepali society are increasingly voicing their concerns about growing "bikriti" on the ways in which Teej is being celebrated these days.  The most frequent accusations hurled at women is about having Durr one month prior Teej. It is interesting to observe that it is mostly men who express these concerns.  Indeed every year, weeks before Teej, housewives do gather  to dance and eat in booming neighborhood party palaces.  Even offices with women staffs outnumbered by men organize Teej party over the lunch hours in office. High profile Teej parties are organized in five star hotels by upper class women. However, this year celebrations of Teej seems to have slowed down. Could it be effect of notice issued by Commission for the Abuse of Authority (CIAA)  warning women not to have parties, exceeding 50 people? It seems as if CIAA has nothing better to do than keep a watch on group of women dancing and singing to their heart's content. If they were really that serious about controlling the expenses in social events, they can start with their own staff's wedding, Brataman and Pasni parties.

I argue that current "durr" khane practice in urban areas like Kathmandu needs to be seen in the light of change in women's statuses and identities. Previously, women were limited in their home with identities of daughter, wife and daughter in-law. These days, women inhabit different public spaces with diverse identities. Their circle of people has gone beyond the boundaries of "maiti" and "ghar". They have school friends, college friends, work friends, activist friends.  And Teej parties, sometimes at home, sometimes at office, sometimes at party places, sometimes at restaurant becomes a place to meet, talk, eat, dance and get reconnected. Tell me, is there anything wrong with that? Aren't men always meeting with their friends to dance and eat in dohori restaurants, disco bars and resorts floundering their money?  Have we heard any organized criticism ever about this?

I wish to draw attention on the ways in which these durr parties have become platform for philanthropy.  Is it wrong for women with higher income to spend large amount of money for Durr parties in five star hotel not just to have fun by themselves but also to collect funds to support their less fortunate sisters? Since last couple of years, few groups of women have been organizing durr parties to collect fund to support women suffering from breast cancern and uterine prolapsed and so on. Similarly, many women organizations organize durr programmes in old age homes, orphanages and women's cells in prison. We should laud these efforts instead of criticism of same old lamentations " look at women singing and dancing one month before Teej".

There is yet another important but less discussed aspect of Teej. With growing international migration of Nepali people all over the world, Teej has surpassed national boundary. Disregarding ethnic and caste differences, every year NRN women organize different events weeks prior to Teej. For them, Teej does not simply mean feasting, fasting and dancing. Teej becomes a medium for them to remember home, to conform that they have not forgotten Nepal but rather it is very closer to their hearts. With Teej, they teach Nepali culture to their children. This form of Transnational Teej also becomes the medium for Nepali community to establish their identities amongst different cultural groups in their host countries. 

It is equally interesting to see that despite the patriarchal connotations , Teej has increasingly become the platform for activism to raise awareness on women's rights. Since last couple of years, I have been attending Teej programme organized by disabled women in Nepal. Women with disabilities wear beautiful saris, kurtas and dance incredibly in music. I see this programme as a challenge to stereotypical beliefs of "beauty", "perfect body" and "femininity". Every year, deaf women also organize Teej programme of their own. They usually start with the quiz competition followed by apple eating competition. I was fortunate to witness the party last year. One could see deaf women chatting away merrily in sign language looking beautiful and radiant in their bright red saris and Kurta Tops. Then, in the end they started dancing. Though their world was of silence, they kept on dancing to their inner sense of music. In a society, where women's body is scrutinized, controlled, violated and stigmatized, dancing in Teej allows us to be free: releasing our body from all its inhibitions and control. Dancing in Teej is about reclaiming our bodies from the tight scrutiny of the society.

So, on behalf of all women celebrating Teej, here is a request to all those self appointed gatekeepers of Nepali society. Stop butting in with your narcistic comments and advises about right way to celebrate Teej.  Women deserve to enjoy the Teej the way want because there is no single way to celebrate Teej. For each individual woman, Teej comes with different meanings and symbol every year.

Khanal is lecturer of Sociology, Tribhuvan University

Australia Award Queries

Australia award queries

Neeti Aryal Khanal

Mail2neeti@gmail.com

Being an alumni of Australia Awards, every year at the time of application, I receive many queries regarding the application process. I am more than happy to share my own experience and help in any way I can. But sometimes, it becomes very tedious to answer all the questions individually. Thus, I thought, it would be good idea to put all I know together for the purpose of information. The earlier version of the document was based on my earlier experience of being Masters by Research and Coursework student at Monash University. After being successful applicant of Australia Awards 2015 to pursue my PhD at Monash University again, I have decided to write an updated version of it. At the end of the document . I request all individuals reading this document to see this creation as my personal opinion and experience. This is not the sole source of information about scholarship. Please refer to concerned websites and guidelines to understand more about application process and requirements.

1.      Becoming sure about what you want to study

 First of all be sure yourself what kind of courses you want to take. The decision can be made by several factors. One important way is always to proceed ahead with the same discipline that you had taken in your bachelors or in masters. Australia offers different kinds of master's degree: 1) coursework 2) coursework and research 3) research. Do check eligibility criteria of these courses which will be clearly stated in university website. You can always drop in an email to the school or department you were applying. Locate the email that deals with admission related queries and ask them in time. But sometimes, people want to pursue different field of study than what they have originally pursued before. In this case, it may be good idea to link your interest and work experience with the studies with your experience. But do be sure to check eligibility criteria of the course you are applying for. Also consider the development priorities as stated in scholarship website to ensure that the course/research area you are pursuing is in line with the development priorities.

2.      Which University is good?”

The most frequent question I am asked is "which university is good". It is hard question to answer. But in Australia, 8 universities, often known as (group of eight) are considered the best. Google it to know more. However, applying to new universities has its own perks as well. But more than the university itself, it depends on the area of studies you want to pursue. Certain universities are considered of highest standard for certain discipline. A thorough internet search on this matter will answer your queries. While choosing the university, make sure that university is listed on the scholarship website as an approved university for receiving Australia Awards scholarship.

3.      How much experience is needed

Another question is about the experience. The level of experienced required by the scholarship applicant is clearly stated in the website of Australia Awards. 

4. Preparing ahead of time

 Book test for IELTS/TOEFL in time, it may be hard to get a date that is suitable for you if you do not book it in advance. We Nepalese have a way of doing everything at the last minute. Make a calendar of the activities you need to do. Contact the right people for your references. Often they have their own commitments and they may not always be able to provide you the reference letter within 1 or 2 days. Planning in advance into smallest details of all the activities you need to carry out will save you from trouble and tension of applying in the rush of deadline.

5. Focus on your essay

 Many people think that their job experience, their highest level of academic achievement may be more than enough for receiving scholarship. Sometimes, the way you answer the questions for scholarship essay may carry more significance. Start working on the essays early. Don't brag too much. Understand your limitations. Do not exaggerate at the same time, do not be too humble. I know it is a difficult balance to achieve but it works best in the long run. Be sure to state your achievements clearly and at the same time, do be clear about your future goals and plans. There is usually a question about what you will do after coming back to your country. Sometimes, we think that by saying "big" things we will impress the reviewer of scholarship. That is not always so. Think about what actually you can do? How you can make a difference? Break down your goals into series of achievable/doable activities and actions and then later transform it into a broader goal. That way, you will be clearly saying what exactly you can do, without bragging too much and at the same time not being too humble.

6. Be optimistic, be positive

 Try your best to do all that you can to develop a good application. But do not be disappointed if you are not successful this time. Applying for scholarship requires a great level of skill, and this skill is often gained by practice. By practice, I mean failing to receive few scholarships you applied for. Same was with me. Before I received Australian Leadership Awards, I had applied numerous scholarships but did not become successful. Then, for a while, I stopped applying and focused more on my work. I became engaged in research and activism. I took initiatives to start something in which there was almost no money. But these activities helped me to learn better and become a better person and to put in a nutshell perhaps a suitable candidate for scholarship. Thus, often application for scholarship and being successful in it may require certain level of skill and credibility.

7. Skills Required

Here I wish to list out some skills you can develop which will give you a better advantage than other applicants. But please do be aware that I am writing by my own experience and I may be wrong about some things and may have left about few more things.

A.      Leadership skills

 People, who are leaders, people who believe in change and those who always have new ideas and are concerned with the solutions rather than problems. The question remains how you demonstrate it. You may have initiated some activity, some project or idea that may have made a difference in your college, university and workplace. That is one of the reason, I always encourage my students to think beyond studies and think about what they can contribute to any kind of social cause. Over the years, I have seen many of these students who were engaged in these kinds of activities becoming far more successful than those students who cared only about studies.

B.      Research experience

Since scholarship is for academic degree, prior research experience, though even a very small one will always be a plus point for you.

C.      Publications

Publication in academic journals are preferred but for master's level, if you write in daily newspapers or even a blog which have a greater following will give you an edge, because with this you will be able to show that you have an ability of expressing your ideas clearly.

D.     Hard work: if you are a hard worker, if you are dedicated in what you do, ranging from your studies to your job and philanthropic activities, gives you a certain air of sincerity and confidence that is so genuine that you don't have to practice it to impress people in scholarship forms and interviews. It will come naturally to you.

E.      Vision for the development of the nation

You may have your personal reasons for pursuing further studies with scholarship such as getting good job, being settled abroad. But these personal reasons will not carry you that far. Government scholarships like Australia Awards are designed in such a way that there is a careful consideration of candidate's potentiality to contribute to the development of the country after being back home. So, last but not the least is to have a vision for what you can do in future to contribute to development of our country is most crucial.

8. Added information for PhD students ( Note: Australia Awards does not offer PhD anymore, this may be useful to apply other scholarships provided by Universities)

I became successful in Australia Awards 2015 to pursue my PhD at school of social science in Monash University. Though, I had in mind about other scholarships in other countries, I found Australia Awards best suited to my personal and professional needs. Here are some of the reflection on my journey towards PhD. All required information regarding PhD application is found on relevant university website and Australia Awards website. I refrain to make comments about the formal process as it can be different according to the university and the faculty you are applying for. I will just reflect on my own journey.

1. Proposal comes first

Sound, clear and well written proposal is one of the strongest consideration of your acceptance for supervision by potential supervisor. I refrain from commenting on how to write a proposal, but I can share how I did it myself. Being a Sociologist with strong interest on issues of women’s rights I have always been engaged in various research projects and have regularly but not so frequently written about issues that I think are important. Beyond that, I am keen to participate in various forms of discussion whether that on online forums or face to face coffee meetings that can go on for hours. All these have helped me to become sure about what I wanted to explore for my PhD topic. Two things are extremely crucial about choosing your topic, based on my personal experience. First thing is to choose something that you are really interested in. Four years is a long time to work on an issue that you are not passionate about. Second is to make sure that it aligns with the development priority. As you are applying for a scholarship that is a part of development funding.

2. On choosing supervisor

As a PhD student, choosing supervisor is the most important decision you will make. But how do you choose? By now, you will know that all universities in their webpage clearly state the research expertise and past publication of their faculty members. Besides that normal google scholar search query by the name of your intended supervisor will help you to be sure about the academic expertise of the supervisor. It is very important to be clear on your communication with your intended supervisor. It helps to mention that you intend to apply for Australia Awards Scholarship provided by Australian Government. It does not happen always and everywhere but chances are that if you mention this fact, there is probability of quick response from supervisors. Communicate early and well in advance with them as sometimes events such as mid semester break, Easter break will affect the early communication from your supervisors

All the best !!!

Open letter to Hurt "Ego"

Dear Hurt Ego

Move on, will you?

Proving your superiority of knowledge

Over somebody else's pain

And labelling that as a "thought" is not a problem

As, throughout the history of knowledge

Women's experience has been belittled

Invalid, unrealistic and little

So, we are kind of used to it.

Looks like the history has turned over

That you need to cry out loud

And even write a blog to prove your point

I guess, in the age of social media

When the voiceless have a new medium of a voice

And they cannot be easily silenced by people like you

Who work as a gatekeepers of knowledge

Who due to some weird reason have seen themselves

In the role of sanctioning, rationing and weighing the Truth

Its positive that there has come a point where people like you

Have to defend yourself from a so called tribe of people

Who are not uncomfortable to talk about the gross inequalities

That exist in our society

People, who acknowledge their privilege and double check it

Before they “shut up” the marginalized voice down

Sorry to hear that, but seems like the history has turned over

What was earlier a voice of authority, has merely found itself in a space of “sanctioned knowledge”

Live there for a while and realize

How it feels not being able to question

Not being able to argue

Not being able to discuss

And being told “shut up” all the time

Relish and live in these moments

Which are nothing compared to centuries of silence that we have endured