Personal Statement regarding resolve of workplace harrassment in TU

Dear All

I am writing this personal statement to all those who have expressed utmost care and concern about my well being. I know, you have reached me through facebook, twitter and phone calls. And I apologize, I may not have been personally been able to answer to all of you. Thank you also to dear friends working in media, who have reached out and at the same time respected my need for privacy and trusting the due process.

I feel blessed to have earned your goodwill and support, without which I would not have been able to have courage to speak out. I also request you to extend similar amount of support to other people around you who have faced similar trauma.

Last Sunday, I experienced workplace harassment. It was shocking and troubling experience. There was effort to belittle my experience of trauma. I think that workplace harassment has become so normalized that people do not recognize it anymore. And when people like me speak out, people see us as someone who is just making a big deal out of nothing. And in this post, I do not want too much to focus on these people who fail to understand my pain and outrage. For these people, my one message is: EDUCATE YOURSELF. No one else can do that for you. Unless you are self aware and unless you are open enough to critically examine your own behaviour, thoughts and opinions, no matter how survivors like me provide evidence, facts, logic, arguments, you will never understand. So, I am not speaking for you here, It is not my responsibility, not my burden. It is your own problem, fix it and stop putting yourself in arguments and discussions that you do not have enough humanity to even talk about it. PERIOD,

Many people, thought, I should have sought personal solutions, personal reconciliation. I, someone who has been engaged in research and activism in VAW, it is disrespect to the academic community, researchers and against my own ethics. Also, as someone who is engaged in teaching gender, presents herself as feminist sociologist, it is unethical to stay silent and tolerate it. 

I spoke understanding my privilege and position of power. I knew there are people who will listen to me, I knew there are people who support me. Not everyone is in position like this. So, I also had to speak out to let other people out there who do not have that privilege, who are marginalized. 

I recognize that men who are vulnerable, in marginalized situation also can experience workplace harassment. My work as a researcher with strong research interest in intersectionality, has not just been about women, but also about men and those who are at margin. So, I spoke out for my ethics and professional integrity and last but not least for my peace of mind. Besides, being survivor of these kind of violence in the past, and also at that time not being in position to speak out or seek any solutions. I SIMPLY HAD ENOUGH OF IT. I am nearly 40, mother of two sons and a woman academic with decade long research and teaching experience. SO, if people expect me to be this docile, submissive, non-questioning, very accepting, doormat who will tolerate anything, everything. SORRY to surprise you. I will not be SILENT. Interestingly, I was earlier, at least talking about harrassment within TU, was more speaking for others, as I have been blessed to have pleasant experience  ( discounting minor misdemeanours, which are plenty). This incident also has showed me the real face our society. No matter, how much women like me work harder, receive education, excel in our profession, take leadership in our work. For SOME PEOPLE, we are mere women, we are mere OBJECTS. SORRY BUT NOT SORRY for speaking out, for lodging the complaint, for seeking the formal process.

So, I sought a formal process to resolve this. At the time, when I took this course, there was no formal process in place within the concerned department. I deeply admire concerned Department Heads who listened to me and responded with dignity that each person going through this trauma deserves.

Yesterday, meeting was called within the concerned department. In presence of the academic community, we created a history by holding a respectful hearing and I received unreserved/unconditional apology. There were efforts at gaslighting, retelling the events and reinterpretation of events in a way to discount my experience of abuse. But I am proud of my academic community who recognized this and helped us to resolve this in dignified manner.

And on personal level, I will maintain cordial relationship with the said person and with yesterday’s resolution, this is done and over with. And since last week, I have maintained dignity and privacy of the said person and I have not named the person in my private and public conversation. I can’t help it if people know using their common sense, as the incident happened within the public vicinities of public university. It is not my burden to protect your name in this circumstance as this is beyond my control, and not my responsibility. The burden of dignity of perpetrators need to be rethought before they harm others, they abuse others. Abusing people and then saying I am victimized, I am stressed and blaming survivors of abuse for it is simply disgusting. However, I urge those who know not to ostracize and belittle the said person further, as people make mistakes and these things happen. The point is to stop them from happening again and again.

The positive outcome of this whole ordeal was that,  Central Department of Sociology and Central Department of Anthropology both have committed to work together to develop a workplace harassment policy, which will be implemented in Department level. And we will also present this policy to the University Authorities. I would like to add that the manner in which my all male colleagues of Sociology/Anthropology fraternity presented themselves with understanding, this would not have perhaps been possible in any other department. I know these kind of issues have surfaced within our community before, but we need to take this positively. These issues are predominant in other academic communities within University, but our SO/AN community is more vocal about it, this is also due to our academic and analytical skills given by your disciplines. So, I am proud of you all those who were present in the meeting yesterday and offered solidarity.

There is a long road ahead of us. And this should be seen as beyond male female issue. I emphasize that we need to have broader discussion on dignified workspace within Tribhuvan University. Any activity, words and beahvior that attacks person’s  dignity needs to be called out.