Parent's quest for quality education

This article appeared in kathmandu post available in following link http://m.ekantipur.com/2012/04/24/oped/our-school-bazaars/352869.html

Parent's quest for ramro school

Dadhiram Khanal

Neeti Aryal Khanal

apednepal@gmail.com

Before, the misconception sets in, we have few disclaimers. First, we are not experts in education. Second, we are neither against private nor public education system. We do not present solutions, just share the dilemmas of parents which we feel hasn't been appropriately addressed by the government and concerned educational institutions. 

Despite the difference, all middle class parents have one thing in common: we have limited means but unlimited dreams. And a part of that dream is future of our children in which education plays an important role. We earn our livelihood through lawful means. We may not be able to fulfill all wishes and whims of our children. We compromise on our living style but we do not want to leave any stone unturned in pursuit of quality education for our children. 

Let's start from the very simple question? Which school do we want to put our child in? Let's be frank, it's true that public school do not count even as an option.  Even low income working parents cut their expenses in basic needs to put their children in "boarding" school. Why is this, we will this question for experts to sort out. 

Search for ramro school usually starts when the child is born but becomes more profound when the child turns around six and is about to start grade one. Usually parents start planning almost a year ahead consulting other parents who have been lucky enough to find the "right" school. Almost 2, 3 months prior admission, we start visiting several ramro schools and collecting brochure which often comes with a heavy price of the admission form. In the month of chaitra, we hop in from one school to another for entrance exams.  We are impressed and scared at the same time by some school's academic rigor, seeing the piece of paper that gives us details about the questions to be covered in entrance exams. And in the playground we sit and chat with other waiting parents and heave a sigh of relief that we are not the only one going through this rite de passage.  

If we look closely, the experience is similar to that of shopping for fashionable T-Shirt. Like fashion houses, there are education houses with a particular brand name:  big and small. Each school comes with bright color, attractive messages, slogans and one liner which they call "motto". On top of that, like a fashion brand, schools are advertised in media. Past few days, we keenly observed few advertisement of the school in television. One school boasted of "swimming pool", another bragged of "computer based learning". The most interesting of all, was an advertisement showing a boy not being able to solve a color puzzle. Then the girl joined in and solved it in an instant, then came the voice over, stating the name of school she studied in. And the camera lingered a bit on the face of proud mother who made the "right" choice. The question is, does a good school even need to advertise? Indeed, education has become a commodity. It seems as if parents are buyers; schools are retailers selling dreams of "quality education". In this whole process of buying and selling, our children are transformed into a product themselves, to be molded according to dreams of parents and guarantees offered by school. But what about children themselves?

What is the yardstick to measure ramro school? Buildings, desks, benches, playground, toys, swimming pool? The missing puzzle is the teachers. What matters most is how child is taught, the environment in the classroom, is there a teacher who is genuinely interested in teaching? Is that teacher well trained, is that teacher well paid? These questions are seldom asked and rarely answered. 

It seems as if we believe that the more expensive the school is the more quality education it offers. But is it really so? Few days back, one of our relatives announced that he is enrolling his child into a very "good" school which is better than one of the big brand name school in Kathmandu. We wanted to know how he came to that conclusion. "Fees", he said, "they charge higher fees than that good school". When we heard the amount of fees charged by some of the very ramro schools, our jaws dropped. We even felt little guilty over being such a bad parent for not being able to afford "quality" education. 

Majority of parents in Kathmandu send their children to school far from their home in quest of quality education. This requires children to eat dal bhat around 7.30 am in morning and reach bus stop at 8. In evening, they come back with homework which leaves them little time to play and have fun. The most challenging transition is for the children who start their grade one in new schools. From a close knit small pre-schools, they move into larger schools. For these new grade oners, their school hours become longer and their bags heavier.  

If only there was one single education system which ensured similar level of quality in all schools. With this, we could send our children to nearest school forgoing an hour long bus journey back and forth in traffic mad, busy street of Kathmandu. If only, education for our children was more about learning and discovering than being the bearer of a brand name of education houses. But these are still farfetched dreams. 

Thus, we must embrace the reality. Our son is starting new school from today. Waking early ourselves, we nudge the sleepy little boy and steer him to bathroom. While eating daal bhat, he can't stop talking about his new uniform and glossy new books. He can't wait to play in large playground and colorful slide at his new school.  The doubts linger while we hold his little hand ushering him to his new big school bus. Will he be able to make friends, will his teachers care for him, will he survive? But then, looking at all those bright young faces in a bus along with him, a relief comes over. If they made it, he will too. 

As parents of two children, the writers are interested in different issues relating to parenting in   Nepal. 

Teej: negotiating between modernity and tradition

Edited version of this article appeared in Kathmandu post, available in following link 

http://www.ekantipur.com/the-kathmandu-post/2012/09/17/oped/bedecked-with-bangles/239756.html

Teej: negotiating between modernity and tradition

Sparkling bangles and bindis, women singing and dancing in odd places and times of the day in neighborhood, images of women in red sari taking over facebook timeline: festive season of Teej is here once more. Ask anyone about Teej, they are sure to have very passionate opinions about it: men or women, follower or non follower. Some are vehemently against it, some are ardently supporting it.  And in between that, some women like me do not know anymore whether to love or hate Teej. Coming into age in 1990s at the height of feminist movement in Nepal, many so called modern Nepali women share an uncomfortable relationship with Teej. When seen from religious discourses that require women to worship lord Shiva for long life of husband, Teej seems worst remnant of patriarchal society. But can Teej be easily dismissed as patriarchal ideology alone? Answers are not that easy.  

Practice of Teej came into being when male supremacy was unquestioned. It was not surprising that religious discourses reflected the reality of that time. For women of previous generations including many rural women at present, Teej marks an end of agricultural season, when overworked daughter-in-laws could finally go to their maita, eat, sing and dance to their heart's content. While conforming to patriarchal ideology, such as" fasting for husband's long life" and 'drinking water from husband's feet", women could practice their agency within that constrained traditional space. Thus, Teej on one hand required women to conform to male domination but on the other hand also allowed to question the very same. Though Teej songs have been repeatedly dismissed as "lamentations of women against their husband and mother-in-law", close examination of these songs can help us conclude how political it was. Teej allowed women an opportunity to question the power imbalances of society based on gender. It may be hard to regard it as so at first.  But we all know that Teej is not something one celebrates in isolation.  Women celebrate amongst one's family, kins and friends. Thus, when masses of women question the power inequalities and injustices at a particular time, Teej does not remain a cultural/religious festival alone, it transforms into a political force that is capable of transforming society. 

Teej is also a thread that helps women to weave their memories into their life story. Recollecting my own memories of Teej, I never once kept fast before marriage. My two best friends (one Bahun and other Newar) started to fast in Teej since their early teenage years. They were teased mercilessly for their perseverance and patience to continue fasting year after year. It is still debatable what prompted them: religious faith or desire for good life partner, perhaps both. But probing deeper, one can argue that many new generation women who are educated and have strong career goals, Teej has became a means to negotiate a balance between modernity and tradition. Teej, is perhaps new generation Nepali women's way of proving that though they are embracing modern lifestyles and values, they are still "good daughters" and "good wives" like their mother, albeit different. As, fasting in Teej requires certain qualities that are synonymous with image of good daughter and wife in Nepal: spirituality, patience, devotion and endurance.  While my friends kept gruesome fasting, I took part in all fun aspect of Teej, dancing, eating, dressing, make up, minus most crucial aspect: fasting. Sometimes, my involvement in festivities was questioned, which made me even more adamant in my ways. This deviance perhaps stemmed as a resistance to cultural discourses that described the narrowed image of ideal women and their pre-destined life course: marriage and motherhood.  

But I could not resist Teej any longer. I started fasting soon after marriage with the enthusiasm that comes with being a newly married woman. With scrutinizing gaze of society that is constantly watching for any slips or falls that newly married woman makes: I could not help but give in. As, for newly married women, fasting in Teej becomes a means to express their marital happiness, which may not always exist. Over the years, I have come to embrace Teej as an important part of my life. It has become a strong medium for me to express love to my husband and to strengthen the bond between my mother and friends. I always cherish receiving churapote from my relatives and equally relish giving back something similar. Though this is an expensive practice and may even seen as meaningless charade on surface level, this circular exchange of gifts helps to maintain close tie amongst women relatives and friends.  

Obviously, modern Nepali women do not always agree with all practices and ideology surrounding Teej. But they celebrate it every year with continued resistance and acceptance. Thus, the practices, rituals and ideologies surrounding Teej are gradually changing. At present, fasting may no longer mean being complete "nirahar" and "nirjal". Each family these days have their own idea about the nature of fast: is it total fasting without food and water whole day, is it drinking water only, is it having a bowl of fruits and milk soon after the visit to temple?  Thus, Teej should not be as much of a charade for women, like it seems to be. Similarly, what comprises of durr is also changing. Though self proclaimed protectors of pure Nepali culture argue that women should stick to traditional durr: rice cooked in ghee, rice pudding, sweets and yoghurt.  But doesn't the choice of food change with time? Durr in its true essence simply meant something delicious that may not always be part of regular meal. Another meaning was to have something sustaining that enabled women to keep fasting. So, it is not surprising that in some of the durr programme and "Teej party" one will find momos, pizzas, pastries and even wine. Most significant of all, practice of "drinking water from husband's feet" is changing too. Observing my own mother's life course, she remembers that it used to be an important ritual that was performed everyday soon after her marriage. After several years, it was limited to major festivities. Then, it was once in a year in occurrence, in Teej. Nowadays, I find it amusing to see whole spectacle of this ritual amongst my parents. While mother follows father pretending to want to "drink water from feet", my father pretends to move afar saying repeatedly "no need".  The ritual still continues in form of this mock performance that continues every year much to the amusement of grandchildren. Though, few remaining generation of chauvinist men still may have sadistic pleasure of having their wives drink water from their feet, I believe that new generation men find it more comforting to be treated as normal mortal men rather than god like figures whose feet need to be worshiped to prove that they are superior. 

So, do not be surprised this Teej if you see group of modern women: some with empty stomach, some with half filled stomach, some with bright red sari, some with kurta tops, some married and some unmarried, some with long hair and some with short hair raising a commotion in the middle of the street singing and dancing with abandon with one hand full of bangles and the other with watch and i-phone.  

Happy New Year 2069

Happy New year 2069

This day

Old year has gone,

New has begun

In between that

Perhaps, we have grown

little older

Little saner

This year

Lets review

What we were

What we are

And what we will be

Yes, the world definitely needs

some changes

But before that

Lets search that inner voice within us

To discover our true selves.

As they say,

If you want to change the world

Start with yourself.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. - Har Barland

Experience of Nepali women in Academia

Note: This article was published in Kathmandu post available in following link http://www.ekantipur.com/2012/02/10/oped/a-day-in-the-life/348694.html

Nepali Women in Academia: Negotiating in between their private and personal lives

-Neeti Aryal Khanal

(mail2neeti@gmail.com)

Women in academia in Nepal are almost as rare as red pandas of our Himalayas. The participation of women in education sector in Nepal, particularly in school education is promising. But there are limited numbers of women academics, particularly in postgraduate level in Nepal.

Taking a feminist perspective, it can be argued that the very nature of academia itself is masculine. Feminist epistemology, a theory of knowledge argues that men have always been knower and knowledge generators. Women were not regarded as knower as in early years, knowledge of women were based on their embodied experience of being a woman (wife, mother). It is only since recently that the number of women students in higher education is increasing. In universities in developing countries, it is no more surprising to find number of women academic exceeding that of male academic. However, in Nepal that scenario is changing but in very slow pace. Still in some of the department in our universities, one may not be surprised to find very few numbers of women academics.

In higher education system in Nepal, a complex ideology of gender and knowledge come into play due to which an experience of women academic is very different from that of male academics. Let me start with first impressions. As it is said, first impression is often the last. Impressions are created by how we dress and interact. The issue of impression is what plagues most of the new women lecturers who are in initial stages of their career. Here, I would like to share my own personal experience which I have found common among many Nepali women academics.

It was somewhere in 2004 that I had recently finished Masters in sociology and was offered to teach in one of the newly opened private programme in Masters in Sociology. At that time, I was thin and lean (minus the experience and fat I gained post marriage and motherhood). When I attended my very first faculty member meeting, prior to start of course, I was advised by my seniors (not with any ill intention though) to wear a sari while teaching. I perhaps had bought this situation upon myself. I had gone to the meeting wearing pants (not jeans, god forbid!) and perhaps looked more like a student than a lecturer. Wearing sari is in fact much more than draping a 5 meter colorful piece of cloth around your body. Apart from women ascetics who wear orange and white robes, for us materialistic women, wearing sari brings in whole new set of demands on our wardrobe and toilette. I can almost feel women readers nodding their head in empathy. For sari, you need to know how to shop well for all sorts of materials ranging from bindi, bangles, necklace, and above all shoes (heels preferred, a torture to someone who needs to stand for more than an hour to deliver the lecture). Then comes make up. The idea is to make up in such a way that is not noticeable but still traceable. The right way to make up for women academic is just to give a hint of femininity, but at the same time an academic seriousness, a contradiction in itself. In this way, I argue that women academic experience challenge to negotiate between their femininity and masculine nature of the academia. While, I am writing along these lines, I can almost hear you lamenting on this lengthy monologue of mine. That is exactly the point. For an academic in any subject what matters is locating the materials, reading them, analyzing them and plan how you will present and involve class in the discussion. But for women academic, it is not that simple and straightforward. For women academics, deciding what to wear and how to wear takes up as much time as what and how to teach during initial classes until we prove our worth. It is in those times, I envy male academics, for whom decision is only about choosing between jeans or cotton pant.

Another common experience of Nepali women academic is that students do not take them seriously in the beginning (please note the emphasis). The common scenario of their very first class is a buzzing murmur at the back of the class, a stifling giggle on the front row, dragging sounds of benches and desks for several minutes. Imagine trying to teach in this situation. The very first class of women academic starts with an unspoken but obvious doubt among students in her ability to teach, and to teach well. I distinguish between the two terms (teach and teach well) because in Nepali context they have two different meanings. Well, there are many people, who can just teach but they rarely involve students in the learning process. Besides the unidirectional teaching method of our university systems rarely gives us opportunity to involve students in learning process. But a good teacher who is sincere towards his/her profession finds ways to make learning more interesting and engaging students in the learning process. Thus, I argue that for male academic, it is already given that they can teach, they need to work hard further to prove that they can teach well. But women academic need to start from square one: to prove that we can teach. After establishing this, then only we can move towards the acceptance that we can indeed teach well. While writing these lines, I convey my respects to few pioneer women academics in Nepal who have proved through their hard work that indeed women academic can teach well and have made emerging women academic like us to make the path easier than before.

Another area I wish to bring into discussion is lack of working space in universities in Nepal. Universities in Nepal are not designed to enable professors/lecturers to pursue their academic work in their own departments. Physical infrastructures of many of our departments comprise of classrooms, an office for the department head, and a common meeting room with a small lounge. If only our departments had a staff room in which each of us faculty member have a small cubicle comprising of computer with high speed internet ( minus the facebook) and a shelf for our books. It may take a while to realize this dream but till then whatever works that requires us Nepali academics to prepare for the class and other academic activities such as research and writing has to be done from home. So, when women academic need to work from home, a complex ideology of gender division of labor comes into play. Reading at home, amidst the cries of a toddler and whistles of your pressure cooker with dalbhaat ( blame that to load shedding, for women can no longer cook in rice cooker) is not just done. On top of that, guests and neighbor come in and when they see you at home, they say" oh, you are free today, not going to university?" It takes a while for us to explain that we are at home: to read, to locate the material for that lecture, to make slides for the lecture, to make a memo of important points for discussion. I am not generalizing here but I believe that for male academic in Nepal, often there will be a wife behind who will hush her children to go play in another room as "papa" is studying. For an academic mom, perhaps things are not that simple. Somehow, academic mother manages to read for her lecture in between heating the oil in the pan and dropping vegetable with whoosh, cooking meal for kids to send them to school, and feeding milk to the toddler in her lap. And at the end of the day, after feeding the family, washing the dishes, settling her kids into sleep, with a big sigh of relief she opens her book late into the night to prepare for the next day's early class in the morning.

Writer is lecturer at Central Department of Sociology/Anthropology, Tribhuvan University.

Experience of Nepali women in Academia

Note: This article was published in Kathmandu post available in following link http://www.ekantipur.com/2012/02/10/oped/a-day-in-the-life/348694.html

Nepali Women in Academia: Negotiating in between their private and personal lives

-Neeti Aryal Khanal

(mail2neeti@gmail.com)

Women in academia in Nepal are almost as rare as red pandas of our Himalayas. The participation of women in education sector in Nepal, particularly in school education is promising. But there are limited numbers of women academics, particularly in postgraduate level in Nepal.

Taking a feminist perspective, it can be argued that the very nature of academia itself is masculine. Feminist epistemology, a theory of knowledge argues that men have always been knower and knowledge generators. Women were not regarded as knower as in early years, knowledge of women were based on their embodied experience of being a woman (wife, mother). It is only since recently that the number of women students in higher education is increasing. In universities in developing countries, it is no more surprising to find number of women academic exceeding that of male academic. However, in Nepal that scenario is changing but in very slow pace. Still in some of the department in our universities, one may not be surprised to find very few numbers of women academics.

In higher education system in Nepal, a complex ideology of gender and knowledge come into play due to which an experience of women academic is very different from that of male academics. Let me start with first impressions. As it is said, first impression is often the last. Impressions are created by how we dress and interact. The issue of impression is what plagues most of the new women lecturers who are in initial stages of their career. Here, I would like to share my own personal experience which I have found common among many Nepali women academics.

It was somewhere in 2004 that I had recently finished Masters in sociology and was offered to teach in one of the newly opened private programme in Masters in Sociology. At that time, I was thin and lean (minus the experience and fat I gained post marriage and motherhood). When I attended my very first faculty member meeting, prior to start of course, I was advised by my seniors (not with any ill intention though) to wear a sari while teaching. I perhaps had bought this situation upon myself. I had gone to the meeting wearing pants (not jeans, god forbid!) and perhaps looked more like a student than a lecturer. Wearing sari is in fact much more than draping a 5 meter colorful piece of cloth around your body. Apart from women ascetics who wear orange and white robes, for us materialistic women, wearing sari brings in whole new set of demands on our wardrobe and toilette. I can almost feel women readers nodding their head in empathy. For sari, you need to know how to shop well for all sorts of materials ranging from bindi, bangles, necklace, and above all shoes (heels preferred, a torture to someone who needs to stand for more than an hour to deliver the lecture). Then comes make up. The idea is to make up in such a way that is not noticeable but still traceable. The right way to make up for women academic is just to give a hint of femininity, but at the same time an academic seriousness, a contradiction in itself. In this way, I argue that women academic experience challenge to negotiate between their femininity and masculine nature of the academia. While, I am writing along these lines, I can almost hear you lamenting on this lengthy monologue of mine. That is exactly the point. For an academic in any subject what matters is locating the materials, reading them, analyzing them and plan how you will present and involve class in the discussion. But for women academic, it is not that simple and straightforward. For women academics, deciding what to wear and how to wear takes up as much time as what and how to teach during initial classes until we prove our worth. It is in those times, I envy male academics, for whom decision is only about choosing between jeans or cotton pant.

Another common experience of Nepali women academic is that students do not take them seriously in the beginning (please note the emphasis). The common scenario of their very first class is a buzzing murmur at the back of the class, a stifling giggle on the front row, dragging sounds of benches and desks for several minutes. Imagine trying to teach in this situation. The very first class of women academic starts with an unspoken but obvious doubt among students in her ability to teach, and to teach well. I distinguish between the two terms (teach and teach well) because in Nepali context they have two different meanings. Well, there are many people, who can just teach but they rarely involve students in the learning process. Besides the unidirectional teaching method of our university systems rarely gives us opportunity to involve students in learning process. But a good teacher who is sincere towards his/her profession finds ways to make learning more interesting and engaging students in the learning process. Thus, I argue that for male academic, it is already given that they can teach, they need to work hard further to prove that they can teach well. But women academic need to start from square one: to prove that we can teach. After establishing this, then only we can move towards the acceptance that we can indeed teach well. While writing these lines, I convey my respects to few pioneer women academics in Nepal who have proved through their hard work that indeed women academic can teach well and have made emerging women academic like us to make the path easier than before.

Another area I wish to bring into discussion is lack of working space in universities in Nepal. Universities in Nepal are not designed to enable professors/lecturers to pursue their academic work in their own departments. Physical infrastructures of many of our departments comprise of classrooms, an office for the department head, and a common meeting room with a small lounge. If only our departments had a staff room in which each of us faculty member have a small cubicle comprising of computer with high speed internet ( minus the facebook) and a shelf for our books. It may take a while to realize this dream but till then whatever works that requires us Nepali academics to prepare for the class and other academic activities such as research and writing has to be done from home. So, when women academic need to work from home, a complex ideology of gender division of labor comes into play. Reading at home, amidst the cries of a toddler and whistles of your pressure cooker with dalbhaat ( blame that to load shedding, for women can no longer cook in rice cooker) is not just done. On top of that, guests and neighbor come in and when they see you at home, they say" oh, you are free today, not going to university?" It takes a while for us to explain that we are at home: to read, to locate the material for that lecture, to make slides for the lecture, to make a memo of important points for discussion. I am not generalizing here but I believe that for male academic in Nepal, often there will be a wife behind who will hush her children to go play in another room as "papa" is studying. For an academic mom, perhaps things are not that simple. Somehow, academic mother manages to read for her lecture in between heating the oil in the pan and dropping vegetable with whoosh, cooking meal for kids to send them to school, and feeding milk to the toddler in her lap. And at the end of the day, after feeding the family, washing the dishes, settling her kids into sleep, with a big sigh of relief she opens her book late into the night to prepare for the next day's early class in the morning.

Writer is lecturer at Central Department of Sociology/Anthropology, Tribhuvan University.

Motherhood: guilt and dreams

From morning To night

I rush through life

That is a chaos

Created on my own choice

I know my precious one

You want me

Just to be with you

Hold your hand

Cradle you into sleep

Just to be with you

And marvel at your

Gestures that you learn everyday

The first instance you smiled

The first words you uttered

The first step you took

You want me

To play with you

And be like you

Innocent, full of marvel

And wonder at the world

But somehow I am caught up

In this web of responsibilities and obligations

Everything has become a “task”

To get over with

To complete

To finish

Sometimes even caring for you

Becomes a mere activity

But today my dear

I leave everything

I close my computer

Turn off my phone

And just take that walk

I have wanted to take since long

I will walk with you outside the door

Holding your little hands

I will let you take me

where you want

I will be beside you

To see things that you discover

and point out in the way

I might forget camera

But I will remember

Your pure, selfless smile

In my heart

And keep it there

To keep me sane enough

To rejoin the crazy hectic world again

Seminars in Nepal: Mr. Know Alls, Ramblers and Super Experts

This article was published on Republica daily, available at following link

http://archives.myrepublica.com/portal/index.php?action=news_details&news_id=30808

Seminars in Nepal: Mr. Know Alls, Ramblers and Super Experts

For an ‘academic’ or rather someone who pretends to be one, participation in seminars and conferences is a regular occurrence in my life. A successful conference is one that contributes to knowledge and initiates constructive debate on a subject area. And of course, quality of the lunch counts too, after all who would have patience to listen and talk in an empty stomach. In this article, I wish to discuss some regular scenes and characters we regularly see in seminars in Nepal.

In Nepal, we do not have frequent number of academic seminars as we would like. Most of them are usually organized by NGO wallas, this invites a mixture of people from all different sorts of backgrounds and involvement. I would like to focus more on presenter and audience interaction that happens during the seminars and conferences.

One of the important factors for presenter to attend academic conference is to get an opportunity to present one’s work among a larger group of audience with diverse academic experience and interest. One expects to get some form of feedback, suggestions and ideas and possibly get to know people who are doing something similar.

The most distressing thing for presenter is to be asked question by an audience who hardly paid attention during presentation. These audience often ask repetitive question which have already been spoken by the presenter. I have often witnessed presenters being drilled with harsh criticisms and comments, which are often personal. Audience should be able to comment in an objective way focusing on the content of presentation. Due to these problems, presenters are often forced to present in defensive note. Based on observation of some of conferences I attended, I identify three different groups of audience based on the nature of interaction with the presenter.

Almost all of us have encountered Mr. Know all (in Nepal it is hard to find Mrs. Know all as very few women audiences speak during interaction session) whose main aim is to show just how smart they are. They have opinion on everything, which is not bad thing actually as long as it is based on some form of research and life experiences. Sometimes Mr. Know Alls are bent to embarrass the presenters by making remarks about the inadequacy of presenter’s work. They often comment that the presenter has not covered certain aspect which they think is important. Mr. Know Alls, fail to see that each research has its own limitations and has a certain way of inquiring into subject matter. Often these people comment that presenter’s data is too small and again fail to recall that the presenter said it was qualitative research. These Mr. Know Alls also fail to see that however broader the presenter’s research may be, due to time limitation of the presentation, presenters can hardly cover everything that they are investigating. Thus, it would be more effective if Mr. Know Alls contemplate on what they know first based on their research and life experience, then only venture to ask questions.

Another regular characters of Nepali seminars are Babblers. They stand up, give their introduction and begin to babble for next 5-10 minutes. The presenter and other people the moderator on the panel make a futile attempt to redirect this Babbler but without success. A lengthy monologue ends and presenter is forced to ask the Babbler again ‘what is it that you asked?’ Which of course is about to prompt the Babbler to speak for next few minutes with an intellectual smirk in his face. Fortunately, one of the panelists come to rescue and asks one ready made question on behalf of our Babbler. So, these Babblers are keen for limelight, they want to show they can speak but hardly they make a plan about what and why they are speaking for. Babblers sometimes bring interesting twist to conference but often they embarrass other people and themselves by such behavior. It would be great if Babblers formulate a clear question they wish to ask and re-check if it is anywhere relevant to presenter’s work.

Another brand of audience we can see is Super Expert. Normally, expert means having expertise in particular area and subject. However, this Super Expert we often encounter in conferences professes and pretends to be expert in almost everything that is even slightly related to their area. They have exclude image of authority and diffuse a certain air of intellectuality. They regards it their duty to inform, dissect and suggest anyone who happens to be presenting. Their targeted victims are usually fresh graduates and wannabes researcher. Super expert’s major objective of participating in seminar and conference is to assert their importance and contribution in their field. It would be great if Super Expert reflect on their own past when they presented in a seminar with their trembling heart and fluttering hands.

There may be more than these three groups of audiences that I have encountered till date. I am not saying that these kinds of audience are altogether wrong in their approach. What I am intending to show is that the audience should give a minimum level of credibility to presenter for his/her efforts. The inquiry should be directed in such a way that would help both audience and presenter to broaden their knowledge in particular area they are interested in. The discussion session will be more fruitful if an audience asks in such a way that enables presenters to clarify his subject area more broadly, which might have been left out in presentation. With this discussion, I am bracing myself up for my next presentation and curious about what other kinds of audience I would encounter in future.

Parenting experience in Nepal

Note: this article was published on Kathmandu post dated 13th November 2011, available in following link http://epaper.ekantipur.com/ktpost/showtext.aspx?boxid=1324484&parentid=14462&issuedate=13112011

When kids become sick: Dhup batti, Abipattikar churna and Azithromycin

-Dadhiram Khanal and Neeti Aryal Khanal

Ask any parent about their worst experience. Child’s sickness: that will be their definite answer. Didn’t we believe during those early happy days of a new parent, that dealing with dirty nappies/diapers and wailing at midnight is only for couple of years? After that, we were supposed to be as carefree as before. But soon enough we know that children, sick at any age are handful. So, extend your deadlines, postpone your weekend plans and forget your favorite TV shows. Your mobile is suddenly in control of little hands, and you are in no position to protest or negotiate. Don’t be surprised if your colleague calls you in not so pleasant voice and ask about numerous missed calls and blank messages. Don’t let weird ringtones and peculiar profile settings deter you either.

The issues that we are discussing in this article may not be representative for all Nepali parents. But chance meeting and sharing with parents in waiting rooms in hospital confirms that many middle class working parents undergo similar dilemmas and experiences.

First of all, when a child becomes sick, the first thing we usually do is search for reasons. Ask any doctor, one of the definite answers will be germs or virus. Many of previous generation of our parents strongly believe on influence of food habits and perhaps some of them even believe in concept of “evil eye”, ankha lagne. Thus, modern ajabholika Nepali parents like us have a unique way of looking at and dealing with children’s sickness. Here, we share the whole emotional drama of parent’s lives surrounding children’s sickness.

Investigation for reasons starts every time our five year old son starts coughing or sneezing. Was that the fistful of chocolate he ate coaxing his hajurama? Or was it the whole bottle of cold water he insisted in drinking claiming that he was too thirsty for warm water? Or was it because he was playing outside in cold evening without his cap? So it goes on. After the end of this mini-research, we start rehearsing an agreed version of “what went wrong” to retell it to the inquiring neighbors, relatives and pediatrician we may soon visit. But often, we are too troubled by the little one’s misery and discomfort that we do not know what to say.

The most recurring debate surrounding children’s treatment is over the merit of Ayurvedic vs Allopathic medicine. In our home, it occurs in divergent intensity depending on the level of the sickness. Our son’s hajurbuwa strongly believes in the power of the herbs and he himself is somewhat a self taught kabiraj. Often, visiting relatives swear by his self prepared concoction, Pachak to cure any tummy problem of kids and adults. Even our mother says that “kabiraj” medicine though working slowly always goes to the root of the problem whereas doctor’s medicine does not. So, mild sicknesses are often convincingly cured by some churna, bati and ras.

Sometimes, you are caught unaware when kids fall seriously ill often at the most hectic week at your work, as it happens with us now and then. We visit our trusted Pediatrician, who really listens. He seldom snatches his pad for hasty prescription of antibiotics within two minutes of consultation. But in serious illness, one has to give in to antibiotics despite all that apprehensive feeling of a parent on its supposedly negative effects. We have often heard few parents’ emotional turmoil over wrong diagnosis, sometimes at cost of child’s health. Often, parents consult multiple doctors all in good faith but are terribly confused with divergent diagnosis.

So, going back to our household drama, hajurama just doesn’t trust on power of kabiraj and doctor saab alone. For her dear naati, she is willing to go an extra mile and hail over all gods and goddesses she knows. Thus, usually the treatment starts with chants of mantra along with lighting Nepali paper incense, Bateko dhup and moving it over the body of the sick child. Definitely reminds us of some shamanic rituals of yesteryears, isn’t it? Earlier as new parents, we regarded it as useless superstitious gesture. But with time, we have learnt to accept and respect her efforts. Firstly, it makes her feel better that she is doing something worthwhile for recovery of her grandchild. Secondly, even our son is emotionally strengthened by his hajurama’s selfless efforts. Thirdly, may be somewhere out there god is really listening to us. Then grandpa joins in with his recommendation of some churna, bati and ras. But in times of prolonging sickness, hajurbuwa gives in to doctor sab’s Azithromycin. But definitely, he would soon start his ayurvedic practice after this bout of illness is over. His concern is on building immunity power of his nati. Soon the daily dosage of lip smacking Chyawanparash and not so yummy Abipattikar churna will start under hajurbuwa’s careful supervision.

And then, after about a week of sleepless nights and mobileless days, we go back to our normal selves. Of course, there will be chocolates, cold water and lot of playing without the cap on, all behind our back. After few months, there will be a cough here and a sneeze there. Then we know it would be time to roll up our sleeves, give up our mobiles and get ready for another roller coaster ride that parenting entails.

Disclaimer: The medicines discussed in the article are used as example only and in no way should be understood as prescribed medicines.

As parents of two children, the writers love to discuss different issues relating to parenting in Nepal. They can be reached at apednepal@gmail.com.

Love in fiction and reality

Wrong were those romantic

Films and stories

Where love is all about

Flowers, chocolates and stars

In real life,

“love “ is rarely the same

It changes its definition everyday

With you my dear

Love is all about

How we look at each other

In silence and understand

Exactly how the other is feeling

With you my dear

Love is all about

The way sometimes

We don’t walk together

Yet we know that we are

Moving towards same destination

With you my dear

Love is all about

Forgetting to give me

Flowers in my birthday

But standing beside me

Always in my trials and success

With you my dear

Love is all about

Nourishing our feelings

Through our children

Teaching them values of

Loyalty, trust and faith

With you my dear

Love is all about

Writing this poem

While cooking curry

And burning it

And you eating it

With a wicked smile.