Teej: negotiating between modernity and tradition

Edited version of this article appeared in Kathmandu post, available in following link 

http://www.ekantipur.com/the-kathmandu-post/2012/09/17/oped/bedecked-with-bangles/239756.html

Teej: negotiating between modernity and tradition

Sparkling bangles and bindis, women singing and dancing in odd places and times of the day in neighborhood, images of women in red sari taking over facebook timeline: festive season of Teej is here once more. Ask anyone about Teej, they are sure to have very passionate opinions about it: men or women, follower or non follower. Some are vehemently against it, some are ardently supporting it.  And in between that, some women like me do not know anymore whether to love or hate Teej. Coming into age in 1990s at the height of feminist movement in Nepal, many so called modern Nepali women share an uncomfortable relationship with Teej. When seen from religious discourses that require women to worship lord Shiva for long life of husband, Teej seems worst remnant of patriarchal society. But can Teej be easily dismissed as patriarchal ideology alone? Answers are not that easy.  

Practice of Teej came into being when male supremacy was unquestioned. It was not surprising that religious discourses reflected the reality of that time. For women of previous generations including many rural women at present, Teej marks an end of agricultural season, when overworked daughter-in-laws could finally go to their maita, eat, sing and dance to their heart's content. While conforming to patriarchal ideology, such as" fasting for husband's long life" and 'drinking water from husband's feet", women could practice their agency within that constrained traditional space. Thus, Teej on one hand required women to conform to male domination but on the other hand also allowed to question the very same. Though Teej songs have been repeatedly dismissed as "lamentations of women against their husband and mother-in-law", close examination of these songs can help us conclude how political it was. Teej allowed women an opportunity to question the power imbalances of society based on gender. It may be hard to regard it as so at first.  But we all know that Teej is not something one celebrates in isolation.  Women celebrate amongst one's family, kins and friends. Thus, when masses of women question the power inequalities and injustices at a particular time, Teej does not remain a cultural/religious festival alone, it transforms into a political force that is capable of transforming society. 

Teej is also a thread that helps women to weave their memories into their life story. Recollecting my own memories of Teej, I never once kept fast before marriage. My two best friends (one Bahun and other Newar) started to fast in Teej since their early teenage years. They were teased mercilessly for their perseverance and patience to continue fasting year after year. It is still debatable what prompted them: religious faith or desire for good life partner, perhaps both. But probing deeper, one can argue that many new generation women who are educated and have strong career goals, Teej has became a means to negotiate a balance between modernity and tradition. Teej, is perhaps new generation Nepali women's way of proving that though they are embracing modern lifestyles and values, they are still "good daughters" and "good wives" like their mother, albeit different. As, fasting in Teej requires certain qualities that are synonymous with image of good daughter and wife in Nepal: spirituality, patience, devotion and endurance.  While my friends kept gruesome fasting, I took part in all fun aspect of Teej, dancing, eating, dressing, make up, minus most crucial aspect: fasting. Sometimes, my involvement in festivities was questioned, which made me even more adamant in my ways. This deviance perhaps stemmed as a resistance to cultural discourses that described the narrowed image of ideal women and their pre-destined life course: marriage and motherhood.  

But I could not resist Teej any longer. I started fasting soon after marriage with the enthusiasm that comes with being a newly married woman. With scrutinizing gaze of society that is constantly watching for any slips or falls that newly married woman makes: I could not help but give in. As, for newly married women, fasting in Teej becomes a means to express their marital happiness, which may not always exist. Over the years, I have come to embrace Teej as an important part of my life. It has become a strong medium for me to express love to my husband and to strengthen the bond between my mother and friends. I always cherish receiving churapote from my relatives and equally relish giving back something similar. Though this is an expensive practice and may even seen as meaningless charade on surface level, this circular exchange of gifts helps to maintain close tie amongst women relatives and friends.  

Obviously, modern Nepali women do not always agree with all practices and ideology surrounding Teej. But they celebrate it every year with continued resistance and acceptance. Thus, the practices, rituals and ideologies surrounding Teej are gradually changing. At present, fasting may no longer mean being complete "nirahar" and "nirjal". Each family these days have their own idea about the nature of fast: is it total fasting without food and water whole day, is it drinking water only, is it having a bowl of fruits and milk soon after the visit to temple?  Thus, Teej should not be as much of a charade for women, like it seems to be. Similarly, what comprises of durr is also changing. Though self proclaimed protectors of pure Nepali culture argue that women should stick to traditional durr: rice cooked in ghee, rice pudding, sweets and yoghurt.  But doesn't the choice of food change with time? Durr in its true essence simply meant something delicious that may not always be part of regular meal. Another meaning was to have something sustaining that enabled women to keep fasting. So, it is not surprising that in some of the durr programme and "Teej party" one will find momos, pizzas, pastries and even wine. Most significant of all, practice of "drinking water from husband's feet" is changing too. Observing my own mother's life course, she remembers that it used to be an important ritual that was performed everyday soon after her marriage. After several years, it was limited to major festivities. Then, it was once in a year in occurrence, in Teej. Nowadays, I find it amusing to see whole spectacle of this ritual amongst my parents. While mother follows father pretending to want to "drink water from feet", my father pretends to move afar saying repeatedly "no need".  The ritual still continues in form of this mock performance that continues every year much to the amusement of grandchildren. Though, few remaining generation of chauvinist men still may have sadistic pleasure of having their wives drink water from their feet, I believe that new generation men find it more comforting to be treated as normal mortal men rather than god like figures whose feet need to be worshiped to prove that they are superior. 

So, do not be surprised this Teej if you see group of modern women: some with empty stomach, some with half filled stomach, some with bright red sari, some with kurta tops, some married and some unmarried, some with long hair and some with short hair raising a commotion in the middle of the street singing and dancing with abandon with one hand full of bangles and the other with watch and i-phone.