Story that ended without an ending

A story

Never written

Never completed

Ended without an ending

Lingering effects

Sub effects

Constant searches

In faces

In feelings

In a mask

Sometimes

featuring in between dreams

fading in obscurity

but yet something potent

a dream of 'impossible'

is what makes it alive

Quest for name and fame

Written few weeks ago, still unedited, lacking enthusiasm to edit it anyway. This speaks about me, and lot of other people. But I was uncomfortable to post it as I thought it will be directly linked with me. But now, I don't want to deny my quest for finding my own 'niche', doing something good for the world, being known as expert of at least one obscure thing. What can anyone do anything new anyway? Americans have already been to moon, Arundhati Roy already wrote a book that got her booker Prize. So, is there nothing left to be done? That's what plagues most of us ordinary beings, who just dream, who do not work, but just aspire to be someone without doing nothing. I am trying my best not to be end up like this.

When one is surrounded
by Whiz kids
by role models
by Heroes ( including women)
There is always a gnawing thought inside
That eats me little everyday

I see my hair graying
My body expanding
A slow realization dawns
I have become nothing
I have become no one

I have not been able to leave my marks
I will not be in pages of history
I will not be remembered
I will not be applauded

I have not found my 'niche'

I am not an expert of
a single obscure issue

What is this
This quest for fame
This quest for name
That restlessly pushes me

Isn't that is what pushes
our power hungry politicians
Our religious fanatic gurus
Our savvy stars

But then, do we work
just for its sake
or for its rewards?

What am I avoiding

and thus what I am confronting!

Something is going down the drain

Something is missing

Something is being destroyed

Something precious

as we both recognize

Something we are killing

softly

with our indifference

With our 'small talk'

of trivial matters

Price of Stupidity!

what is the price

One can pay for

Stupidity

For not knowing

an outcome

For every mistake done,

It is not mistake in the beginning

Rather it is a possibility

which might either turn into success

Or failure

or something that is neither

but in the middle of both

So, if one does not dare

One does not risk

What will be the outcome

No actions

No outcome!

No risks

No mistakes

Thus,

I paid a price today

Literally something big

but still small for peace of my mind

I should let this go!

Dollar

Dollar Dollar

A price in dollars

Converted to Nepali don't know

how much it would be

Thus, I am speaking

Literally and figuratively

At this moment,

I am just thinking

Of various other prices

I have paid for daring

For thinking

For taking risks

But I would continue doing it

I know

But I would have rather liked

to pay this 'huge' price

to someone who had truly

benefited from it

I wished I could have a choice

to give it like 'donation'

Be a saint outside

while hiding my sin within

Isn't what people do all the time

at least some group of people

committing sins all their life

being corrupted

And when end approaches

They wish to go to pilgrimage

Take a bath in 'ganga'

to wash of their sins?