Its my birthday today. And honestly, I do not remember which year I am in this year. Seriously, I have stopped bothering counting my ages after I hit my 30s. On the 30th birthday, I had a sudden attack of panic. Where I am going? What have I done so far? Have I become what I wanted to become? I also checked whether wrinkles are already there? I checked thoroughly for any signs of white hair. I found one or two. 30s were the hardest year for me. I felt I have not done enough. I was not sure where I was heading towards in my life. Then, soon after I had my second pregnancy. It was a hell of a roller coaster ride: becoming a mother and at the same time trying to find my niche in the world.
Couple of years later, I am now more settled. I am relaxed. And I am feeling young again. Its been a while I have felt I should stop fret about being in my 30s. I feel its great being just the age that I am in. And looking back, on personal life, I feel that I have experienced many things which I was looking forward to experience in my dreamy years of 20s. I had never thought about marriage seriously though I am romantic at heart. I always wanted to be mother and raise great children. Though, I am doubtful whether I really fit into the conventional notion of "mother', but one thing I know, " I am trying my best".
So, in my 30 something years, I have gradually become "didi" of many more people than earlier experience of being called "bahini". There was a time when conductors used to call me "bahini", later they started calling me " didi". Now, they call me "aunty" too. Sometimes, I am amused at surprised glances when I say I am mother of two children. See, I am fishing for some kind of emotional gratification here. Every body wants to look and feel young. It sounds a cliche but I have begun to realize, it is more about feeling young at heart. Past couple of years, I have discovered my "inner child" again. And I am at peace with myself. I am more accepting towards growing old. I am welcoming towards the wrinkles. I am looking forward to couple of grey hairs.
I feel like this perhaps because I am blessed with loving people around me. Loving husband who is so accommodating to my mood swings and crazy whims. Two beautiful sons whom I feel someday will grow up into wonderful men. Amazing parents who have always understood that I would not fit into the conventional box of "obedient daughter" .
Its, wonderful being 30 something. Its wonderful to feel that you have now fulfilled all social expectations of becoming a woman in society: getting married and having children. Now, I feel, I can be something on my own. Looks like, my rebellious years of womanhood has just started. And I am happy that I am moving towards it. However, there are still couple of long held dreams, that I need to pursue. Few steps towards them have been undertaken. Few dreams have been put in a hold for a while. But for few dreams: I am working on small dozes, one step at a time.
Happy Birthday to me...........
Couple of years later, I am now more settled. I am relaxed. And I am feeling young again. Its been a while I have felt I should stop fret about being in my 30s. I feel its great being just the age that I am in. And looking back, on personal life, I feel that I have experienced many things which I was looking forward to experience in my dreamy years of 20s. I had never thought about marriage seriously though I am romantic at heart. I always wanted to be mother and raise great children. Though, I am doubtful whether I really fit into the conventional notion of "mother', but one thing I know, " I am trying my best".
So, in my 30 something years, I have gradually become "didi" of many more people than earlier experience of being called "bahini". There was a time when conductors used to call me "bahini", later they started calling me " didi". Now, they call me "aunty" too. Sometimes, I am amused at surprised glances when I say I am mother of two children. See, I am fishing for some kind of emotional gratification here. Every body wants to look and feel young. It sounds a cliche but I have begun to realize, it is more about feeling young at heart. Past couple of years, I have discovered my "inner child" again. And I am at peace with myself. I am more accepting towards growing old. I am welcoming towards the wrinkles. I am looking forward to couple of grey hairs.
I feel like this perhaps because I am blessed with loving people around me. Loving husband who is so accommodating to my mood swings and crazy whims. Two beautiful sons whom I feel someday will grow up into wonderful men. Amazing parents who have always understood that I would not fit into the conventional box of "obedient daughter" .
Its, wonderful being 30 something. Its wonderful to feel that you have now fulfilled all social expectations of becoming a woman in society: getting married and having children. Now, I feel, I can be something on my own. Looks like, my rebellious years of womanhood has just started. And I am happy that I am moving towards it. However, there are still couple of long held dreams, that I need to pursue. Few steps towards them have been undertaken. Few dreams have been put in a hold for a while. But for few dreams: I am working on small dozes, one step at a time.
Happy Birthday to me...........
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