The Search

I am tired
With this facade of being nice, always
But in this crooked world
One can only keep the mask on 
And pretend that all is well. 
  
So, what others see me
 Is actually not me
This nice, gentle woman
Who  smiles
And talks with little frown on her face. 

 You are the  one, 
Who knows
How I am deep within
With you, I can sometimes lash out 
All those frustrations
I have Bottled up inside my heart. 
Sometimes, I just try to hide in the shell 
And pretend as if all is well 
But you with your eyes 
Seek me out and see through me
  
With you I cannot pretend. 
I can sometimes act like a bitch 
And have no qualms about it
Sometimes I have these phases
Its hormones mostly
But sometimes its me
A minute angry
A minute happy
A minute the tears come
A minute laughing hysterically. 
And how can I show this self to the world. 
They would think I am mad, perhaps I am. 


With you,
I can be little mad
A little sad
A little angry
A little funny
A little cranky
A little swanky
A little gloomy
Coz that's what I am like
Always not so smart
A little loose in the head
 With all the crazy thoughts
 Going back and forth.
 Sometimes, I live in a cloud
 And forget to switch off the gas
And burn the curry down. 
  
I know its not easy
Being with me.
Its not easy
Actually living with me
Day in and Day out. 
  
I do not know where this poem is going
I should end this soon….
This little frolicking of my mind
Which is  content
That life long search is in end. 
It took me so long to realize
A treasure was right in front of me

But I was searching everywhere
 when I started
I stumbled a lot
Knocked some wrong doors
And few trespassers wanted to enter 
Through window. 

 But it seems,"the end"
Is actually not an end.
 With each new phase
I know you more
And still feel
There is more to know
You are like a Russian doll
With each find, there is something more inside
I keep on uncovering and finding. 

So, the search did not end.
It only changed its direction