My son's second birthday:without me

My dear son Shubham is turning two tomorrow. and here I am far away from him. I feel immensely sad of this fact. I wish I was there with him to take him to mandir. To call the kids in neighbourhood and cut a cake. oh! to hear the kids singing happy birthday to him.

He had just learned to say 'ama' when I left Nepal for my studies. It was immensely difficult for me to concentrate on my studies without seeing the beautiful face of my son. He is lovely, he is cute. As every mother likes to beleive, I beleive that my son is special, he is very smart.

Though, I have missed the most interesting part of his childhood, I hope that I would be able to contribute in his life in other ways. The other day, I was watching 'The little Prince'. I just can't wait for Shubham to grow up a little more that I can tell him stories. But of course, I felt that my boy understands stories since he was one year old. I remember singing with him. I miss playing hide and seek with him. I remember our 'eating sesssion'. He loved watching dogs and I had to feed him saying that, if he won't eat, dog will eat. Then, later I thought that would make my child turn into a greedy boy, one who takes the things thinking that other people will take that from him. Then, later i started to say,'First you eat and then the dog will eat too'.

Little things, small things matter so much to me. In this age of violence and terrorism, it is every so risky to raise a child. Also I think parenting is becoming every more complex day by day. The values and practices of parenting are changing. The way my parents raised me, I appreciated it. They have always supported me and loved me. My parents generation beleived that children should be kept in control. There was very much less communication between children and parents. These ideas are gradally shifting. Now, I beleive the only effective way to raise a child is with open communication, with lots of love and trust.

I don't know whether this blog will last or not, till my son would be old enough to read this with his very eyes. I hope he does, someday. I am bearing this seperation keeping the words of my honorable dizzu, Angur Baba Joshi's words, ' It is not the quantity of time but the quality of time you spend with your children' that matters. She also had to leave her children for a long time to complete her studies in U.K.

I am lucky in the sense that my parenst are looking after my son so well. I am lucky, I have always been lucky. Its all about feeling lucky. I hope Shubham grows up into a good human being. I have no expections of him being rich. I do expect him to be smart of course. I hope he would grow up as a wonderful person, who cares about other people. I hope my son would be open to people. I hope he would know that life is all about love and care. It is all about what we can give, what we can share with others. I hope that he would gain all the good qualities of his father, that I admire so much. I want him to grow up as patient, dedicated, warm, caring and lovely person as his father is. I don't know about my attributes. I don't have any special attributes to speak of. And yes, I wish he would be patient and loyal to his beleifs like my father. I wish he would learn the meaning of unconditional love from my mother.

In all these expectations and expectations, now I realize that there is very little place for Shubham to be what he wants to be and what he simply is. Thus, Shubham in this day, I feel that you will be what you are and what you want to be. I will love you just the same, the way you are. You have brought so much happiness in our lives. You are indeed Shubham: the lucky, the auspicious one. May god bless you on this wonderful day. Happy Birthday dear!!!!